Minding My Weigh

Down Time

2012-02-28T23:40:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to say that we've finally had a break through with our situation concerning my in-laws. It's very good news, but I'm not quite up to sharing much more than this right now. The emotional roller coaster ride we've been on over these past six weeks has left me feeling drained. So I'm taking a few days to rest and will be back when I'm feeling up to writing more.

Until then...blessings!

Confessions of a Carb Coma Survivor

2012-02-23T20:52:00.000-05:00

I never thought of myself as someone who had a problem with carbs. I love them all...every single starchy one of them!!! But now that I'm entering into the 2nd week of The 17 Day Diet (Cycle 1), I'm beginning to realize that as much as I love carbs, they haven't been loving me back! And I dare say...they're not to be trusted!

Now don't get me wrong...not all carbs are bad. But what I've learned as I've fasted these tasty treats (and I've awaken from my carb coma) is that they've been a bad bad inflence on me...let me count the ways!

#1...

They've interfered with my body's ability to let go of unwanted fat. They've fooled me and my foggy-headed brain into believing there was something wrong with ME!!! All this time I've been wondering...why is it so hard to lose this weight? I even believed I had the sad misfortune of inheriting bad genes. I was wrong! Despite the fact that most of the carbs I ingested were of the good and healthy variety, I was still having too many of them. The body can only store so many carbs before the "no vacancy" sign begins to flash. At this point the body begins the process of converting what's left into fat! No amount of calorie/point counting can make up for that!

#2...

Due to years of eating junky food, I developed a sensitivity to carbs that resulted in my body reshaping itself into that of a red delicious apple. One of the tell tell signs that you might be carb sensitive is that when you do gain weight, it wants to gather around the waist and chest areas. Who knew? I just thought it was those pesty genes again.

#3...

I now see, thanks to clearer thinking, and an education in carbohydrate do's and don'ts, that I've been overloading my carb sensitive body with foods that, once ingested, have a similar affect on me as a mild tranquelizer does on a small innocent animal. This would account for my complete lack of energy. I'm finally beginning to feel like I have what it takes to make it through my day and no longer feel the need for a 4:00 p.m. siesta!

I don't completely understand the science behind it, but I no longer have any cravings! Can I just tell you what a relief this is. No more late night battles to resist chocolate that might be hiding in one of my husband's many hiding places. It goes without saying that I know where every single one of them are? The true test came today when I got an unexpected knock at my door from the little girl down the street selling Girl Scout cookies. I had no desire to allow these little morsels of temptation into my home and so I politely refused...poor child!

Here's my tracker for the day...

Asian Turkey Soup

Be blessed!!!

Food Tracker...17DD Cycle 1 Days 5-7

2012-02-23T00:51:00.005-05:00

Here's my tracker for the past few days along with some pictures of what I've been eating...bon appetit!!!

Omelet w/ sauteed peppers, onions, mushrooms and spinach

with an orange and green tea.

Stir-fry with chicken, cabbage, carrots, onions, mushrooms and broccoli.

A Change of Plans

2012-02-21T17:12:00.049-05:00

If Plan A fails, remember that you have 25 letters left.

Today is day 6 of Cycle 1 on the 17 Day Diet. As I've been working at acclimating myself to this new way of eating, I've been grappling with a decision....what to do about Weight Watchers?

Should I stay or should I go?

As many of you know, I've been a pretty faithful Weight Watcher for a long time now. With that comes a sense of loyalty and commitment to the program...a willingness to see it through to the very end. Any thought of not doing that has made me feel as though I were being unfaithful in some crazy sort of way! But then a light bulb went on and I realized...

It's okay to divorce your food plan!!!

Here's why?

This journey's not about committing myself to any one program, it's about a commitment to myself and my health for a lifetime!

I need to be careful not to think that there's only one way to achieve that goal! There are many roads to success. It's not important which one I take as long as it gets me to where I'm going, and that can look differently as I go along my merry way. This lifetime journey is hopefully going to be a long one. The only things I need to concern myself with and stay committed to are making sure that I am learning from my mistakes, being willing for God to do His work in me, and keeping things fresh and interesting so as to enjoy this fabulous journey. Oh and I almost forgot...never giving up!!!

There's freedom in that!!!

Food Tracker & Thoughts...Cycle 1 Days 3 & 4 of The 17 Day Diet

2012-02-20T13:15:00.000-05:00

The first four days of The 17 Day Diet have flown by and I'm so surprised by the changes that have taken place in such a short time. For starters I definately experienced the symptoms of withdrawal on day 2. I didn't feel well at all and wasn't sure if I was coming down with something or what. It ended up being 'or what'. My body was having a physical reaction to the elimination of sugars and carbs...not pleasant at all, but a good thing none the less. The good news is that it didn't last long, and once I got past it I began to feel the return of energy...something I bid farewell to long ago! I almost forgot what it felt like. I've been buzzing around like a happy little bee doing this and that...to the complete surprise and delight of my family who doesn't quite know what to think of me right about now. I feel like singing Irene Cara's 'What a Feeling'...thankfully this is a blog...sparing you my off key rendition of a song better left alone.

Okay, so here's my tracker for the past two days...the only thing I need to add is a bit more variety which is more than a little challenging on Cycle 1, but with all this energy I now have, I'm up to it!!!

I'll post my weigh in at the end of this cycle!

Back On Track...Update

2012-02-19T00:22:00.002-05:00

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” Dale Carnegie

A few posts back I wrote about The Rule of Five and how I was hoping this simple idea would help me get back on track. I'm happy to report that taking action has made all the difference. Not only am I back on track, but I'm excited and looking forward to finally reaching Onederland...it seems like I've been working on this goal for a long, long, long time. That's okay though. I may have taken a little detour, but that doesn't mean I won't get there, right?

Here are the five things I committed to doing...

#1...Be intentional

Set goals and get serious about no longer making excuses.

This one may sound a little vague, but it was actually pretty simple. I woke up each day determined to do something...anything at all...to get back on track. Doing nothing was no longer an option. So I read other blogs, watched some YouTube videos of other people who've reached their weight loss goals, and many other things (I'll get to them in a bit) that helped to encourage and inspire me. It worked!

I was long overdue for a new pair of shoes so I took myself shopping and got new socks while I was at it.

Aren't these shoes cute?

#2...Be positive

Read and speak positive words to help renew my mind.

One of the areas the Lord has been so faithful to reveal to me as a huge obstacle in my life was in my thinking. It's what I refer to as mind chatter...those negative things we tell ourselves that no one else ever hears...those things that if we're not careful slip by without our even noticing. I spent most of my life completely unaware that this negative thinking was sabotaging my efforts. Changing this has been something I've had to be diligent in. Unfortunately, over the past month I found the negativity seeping back in. In my post entitled The Mantra I wrote about my decision to begin speaking positive words to help renew my mind.

I printed out what was essentially a mission statement for myself and posted it in my bathroom...straight across from the toilet!!! I knew I'd be there several times a day anyways, so I figured why not make the most of this time!

I also decided to open my mind

to the possibility of a new eating plan!!!

I was encouraged by a post from my friend Sharon who talked about how much she was loving The 17 Day Diet. Like her, I was a little apprehensive about doing anything with the word 'Diet' in it. This journey's about life style for me...not the latest fad diet. But I'm telling you, this post was so inspiring to me that I ran out, purchased the book, and haven't looked back! It was a big thing for me considering I've been a hard core Weight Watcher, but the concept behind this diet (I prefer to think of it as an eating plan) lined up perfectly with what I already believed and gave me the structure and guide lines I've long been needing. I'll blog more about this decision later, but for now just know I'm beyond happy about it!!!

#3...Be excited

Find new recipes to try and ways to spice up my workouts.

The first thing I did was to hop on over to Skinny Taste to find some yummy recipes to try on my new eating plan. I came across plenty and found something I absolutely love!!!

Gazpacho!!! Who knew?

Topped with finely diced red onion and a drizzle of olive oil, this soup was the perfect side to my grilled salmon.

As for my workouts...I spent about two hours exploring a whole new world...the world of Mp3's and downloading music. I'm grateful that my 14 year old daughter is quite savvy when it comes to stuff like this. I ended up with an awesome play list for my 4 mile walks.

Click on the image to see a larger picture

And as for my workouts...they are most definitely spiced up!!!

#4....be accountable

Track my food, go to Weight Watchers meetings, and blog!

Since deciding to switch things up with my eating plan, I've not gone to a WW meeting, but I have tracked and blogged, and it sure feels good! There's nothing like the community I've found with all of you who are traveling this road with me! It's helped me to be accountable again, not just to all of you, but also to my dear friend Dee who works very hard at staying healthy. We had a girls' night last weekend where we talked about all the things that would bore most people...healthy eating, exercise, and our need to do better! I'm so thankful for friends like this...and for all of you!!!

I've also decided to ramp up my accountability by posting my tracker for Cycle 1 of my new eating plan...17 whole days worth! Here's day 1 and 2...

Click on the image to see a larger picture

Cycle 1: Day 1

Click on the image to see a larger picture

Cycle 1: Day 2

I'll post my weight loss progress at the end of Cycle 1.

#5...be encouraging

In addition to spending more time reading other blogs, I've also taken the time to leave comments...something we should all be doing! There's something about encouraging others that helps me in my own journey. I need to remember that, huh?

On that note, I'll close with this quote...

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. Thomas A. Edison

I hope you can see that I'm not giving up!!!

This journey may take me longer than I had hoped...

but I'll get there!

How about you?

Are you still fighting the good fight?

Acting As If

2012-02-17T01:30:00.000-05:00

If we do the right thing, our feelings will follow.

Over the past few days, I've come to experience how true it is that if we do the right thing, our feelings will follow. One of the biggest mistakes I've made is allowing my feelings to dictate my actions. It's been the story of my life for far too long. I've had to learn the hard way that letting my feelings run the show is a big mistake...proven by the 20 pounds now residing on various parts of my body.

I've spent a lot of time this week working toward my goal of getting back on track. It hasn't been easy because honestly, I haven't felt like it...or at least I didn't when I started. But as the week has worn on, I've found myself getting excited again. I've begun to feel more like myself, and like all is not lost. I've done this by acting as if.

I've acted as if I never stopped. I've acted as if I still care. I've acted as if I could and would reach my goals. I've acted as if until I was no longer acting at all.

Before I close, I just want to encourage anyone who's been struggling like I've been...stop waiting for your feelings to move you in the right direction. Get moving...act as if...and your feelings will catch up!!!

The Mantra

2012-02-13T18:54:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my recent set-back and wondering how and where things went wrong. The stress and struggles of life have been more than a little challenging lately. I've let my guard down and found myself struggling with many of the bad habits I thought I'd overcome. But of all the bad habits, it's the negative thinking that has landed me here. Despite the fact that I know this and have worked hard to overcome this in my life, negative thinking isn't something overcome in a day, a week, or even a year. It's overcome one day at a time by intentionally choosing to believe the very best...even if it may not be true yet. All of this was going through my mind when I came across a recent post from my friend and fellow blogger Sharon in which she talked about her personal mantra for 2012.

I have to admit, the whole idea of a mantra sounded a little bit New Agey to me at first, but when I stopped to think about it, I realized there's nothing "new" at all about this idea. It's simply a biblical truth that's been recycled in an ever-changing world. By definition, the word manta is simply a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of creating transformation. Isn't that what we're all seeking?

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

There may not be much about me and the choices I've made in the last month that are a reflection of the Lord's glory. However, I can rest knowing that being transformed is a process...an ongoing and gradual changing of who I am.

In my previous post, I talked about being intentional in getting back on track. I could think of no better way to be intentional than by writing a mantra. Writing what is essentially a mission statement wasn't as easy as I thought, but in the end (and thanks to Sharon for her list which I ended up borrowing from), I now have my own mantra which I will be reading aloud everday.

I will...

Live intentionally...by embracing each day as a gift and working toward my goals...aiming for the rule of Rule of Five each day.

Think positively...by speaking and receiving words that will renew my mind, living my life with an attitude of gratitude, and embracing joy.

Celebrate...my own successes as jubilantly as I celebrate others.

Look...for a surprise everday.

Expect...a blessing everyday.

Believe...that I can, through hard work, a persevering spirit, and a willingness to learn from my mistakes, overcome my issues with food and weight.

Give of myself...by encouraging others, being a good and faithful wife, mother and friend, and serving those in need with my time, finances, and support.

Walk with God...being sensitive to His voice, and staying connected to Him through His word and prayer.

I'll end with by sharing what

God says about the power of our words...

And jesus answered them, "Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to his mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:22-24

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. Proverbs 18:21

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, "I believed, and so I spoke," we also believe, and so we also speak. 2 Corinthians 4:13

Call those things which be not at though they were. Romans 4:17

How about you...

do you have a mantra?

The Rule of Five

2012-02-10T17:50:00.006-05:00

I was reading in my daily devotional the other morning when I came across an inspriational story about the book Chicken Soup for the Soul. I'll be honest, I've never read it, but the principals used in making the book a #1 best seller are something any one of us can use in helping us to reach our own goals. Here's the story...

The authors of the book, Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, were not finding much success in getting this unassuming book published. Then one day they met a man named Scolastico who gave them a piece of advice that would forever change their lives. He said, "If you would go every day to a very large tree and take five swings at it with a very sharp axe, eventually, no matter how large the tree, it would have to come down." The authors took this advice to heart and developed what they called The Rule of Five. Every day they did five specific things that would help them acheive their dream of selling books. They write...

"Every day it meant having five radio interviews, or sending out five copies to editors who might review the book, or calling five network marketing companies and asking them to buy the book as a motivational tool for their sales people, or giving a seminar to at least five people and selling the book in the back of the room...We wrote press releases, we called in to talk shows (some at 3:00 a.m.)...we even got gas stations, bakeries and restaurants to sell the book. It was a lot of effort - a minimum of five things a day, every day, day in and day out - for over two years."

The rest is history.

To date, the book has sold 112 million copies

in forty-one languages.

This got me to thinking about how I could apply this tried and true rule to my own life. The first thing that came to mind was how I'd like to get back on track after my recent set-back. So here's the Rule of Five in action, or should I say, me taking a swing at my own proverbial tree...something I'll be blogging about in more detail over the next several days/weeks.

The Rule of Five

for

Getting Back on Track

#1...Be intentional

Set goals and get serious about no longer making excuses.

#2...Be positive

Read and speak positive words to help renew my mind.

#3...Be excited

Find new recipes to try and find ways to spice up my workouts.

#4...Be accountable

Track my food, go to Weight Watchers meetings, and blog!

#5...Be encouraging

Encourage others in their own journey...remembering how others have taken the time to encourage me along the way!

I'll be posting this list in several places around my house where I'll be sure to see it every day, but I won't stop there. I'll be using the Rule of Five in helping me finally reaching my goal weight. When you think about it, there are so many things we can do each and every day to reach our goals that it shouldn't be all that hard hard to do at least five. Even on those days when it feels like we're not making much progress, seeing even five small things accomplished for the day will help reassure us that we'll get there eventually. Here are some things off the top of my head that I can and will be doing.

Drink water

Eat more fruits/veggies

Practice portion control

Don't eat at night

Eat healthy snacks

Pray

Journal

Blog

Skip dessert

Make a healthy dessert

Workout

Go for a hike

Exercise with a friend

Encourage a friend

Stretch

Replace a negative thought with one that's positive

Track my food

Pre-track my food

Set goals

Go to my meetings

Get enough sleep

And the list goes on...

I want to close with a word of encouragement and to tell you this...a word I myself need to remember. No matter how hard and long and impossible this journey may seem at times, and no matter how many times you fall down along the way...Never give up!!!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Jerry Springer Doesn't Live Here Anymore

2012-02-09T17:53:00.001-05:00

I was out for a walk the other day thinking about my blog, and more importantly, all of you who have been so faithful to encourage me in this journey, even going so far as to send me emails over these past couple of months to make sure I'm okay. I know I've been quiet and I'm sorry for that. Honestly, I haven't known quite what to say or how to say it. I find myself rehearsing what I'll write, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to find a way to share what's been going on in way that's positive...something I've always tried to be since starting my blog. So rather than wait two more months for things to get better, which may not happen, I've decided to just be real. I warn you, this may not be pretty.

Okay, if you remember how things were the last time I blogged, I was helping a friend through a very hard time. Thankfully, she's doing okay...but just okay. Little did I know then I was about to face my own time of difficulties. Well actually, my husband and I are facing it together. I've made mention before about having a strained (that's saying it nicely) relationship with my in-laws. It's so hard to even say that because I despise family drama...I hate it!!! As Christian people, we should be above this kind of garbage, right? If only it were up to us, but unfortanately it's not that simple. I've hesitated in saying too much about it up until now because I've wanted to keep these personal details just that...personal. The problem is that it's kept me from blogging. The reason...I sometimes feel uncomfortable reading blogs that reveal too much...I mean, really, some things should be saved for a journal. Enough said.

So here's the story.

My husband and I are being evicted off of my in-laws property...where we've built and own our own home! Okay...I said it. Breathe Kimberlynn...breathe. This is the kind of white trash, Jerry Springer drama I cannot stand and that embarasses me to no end. But it's the truth...the ugly, stinking, rotten, horrible, painful, crappy truth!!!! Having said that, I think I'll move on now to how this has affected me in this journey.

I feel like I've had the wind knocked out of me. My husband and I are both feeling the pain of betrayal and rejection...not to mention the fear of where all of this will lead. In the beginning, my main concern was for my husband and children and making sure we were all keeping the right attitude...not letting fear or anger take hold of us. And in the beginning I can honestly say I was handling things fairly well. But then I found myself slipping into a depression. I would wake up after sleeping far too long, only to find my way to the couch, where I'd spend the rest of my day. I checked out of life and turned instead to food...my once upon a time comfort. The good news here is that I finally realized that the food wasn't helping...it was only making things worse. I felt horrible about myself and questioned all the progress I've made in this journey. Did I really change at all? Was I fooling myself...and everyone else? What's wrong with me? These and so many other questions led me to the breaking point. Yep, I cracked. I had an all out melt-down...I was a sobbing, worn out, messed up, in need of some serious help...woman. Thankfully, I'm married to the sweetest man in the world who realized exactly what I needed...some time to myself.

There are times in life where things just get to be too much. I don't know about you, but when I get to this point, I'm almost like a child who's gotten too sleepy and just needs to be put down for a nap. My nap came in the form of a three day break from the world. I had to take some time to decompress, process, and come to a better place in all this. There's nothing that accomplishes that better than some alone time with me, myself, and God!

After working through some seriously repressed anger, I've begun to feel more like myself again. The bad news is that during all this, I gained even more weight. I don't know exactly where I was the last time I blogged, but in all I've been very successful in regaining 20 pounds. Just what I needed right? So, where am I now?

I'm at the point where I've decided that these people have already done enough damage...and I'll be darned if I'm gonna let this affect me, my weight, and the progress I've made anymore than it already has!!! Jerry Springer may have come a knockin', but that doesn't mean I have to let him move in!!! I've decided to buck up and take responsibility for my own choices and my own happiness. I'm working my way through this, trying to learn what I'm supposed to learn, and taking the steps I've taken so many times before to pick myself back up and move forward!

Like I said, there's nothing about these past couple of months that's been pretty. And even though things have been hard, I can honestly say, looking back, that I made them worse. I allowed difficult circumstances to become what I thought were good excuses for making bad choices. I stopped being a fighter in my own life and for my own health, and gave in to self-pity instead. Old behaviors may die hard, but I'm working hard to slay them once again.

Until next time, be blessed!

Still Goin'

2011-11-13T03:29:00.001-05:00

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Unknown

Have you ever sat down to blog feeling you have so much to say, but everything that comes out makes no sense at all? That's how I'm feeling right now. The reason may have something to do with the fact that my life at this moment also makes no sense. I suppose I thought that sitting down and writing what seemed to be so clear to me only minutes ago would somehow help me sort through it all. But the truth is my mind and my life and my choices and so many other things are a lot like a room that's been so neglected it's become an overwhelming mess! And my response has been a common one...avoid the mess!

If you've already thought to yourself that this response couldn't possibly be a good one, you wouldn't be alone. I too realized this earlier today when I found myself in a crying heap pouring my heart out to my Weight Watchers leader whom I haven't seen in five weeks! After talking to her about the circumstances that helped create this "mess", I came away with the resolve to finally "clean it up".

You're probably wondering what in the world I'm talking about right about now...but like I said at the beginning...I'm trying to make sense of all of this...so just bear with me.

The things in life I've been dealing with, and those I've been avoiding aren't really what matter here. What does matter is how I've chosen to respond to them. And this was the big light-bulb moment I've been needing. A realization of so many things really. Like the fact that life isn't always easy and that most of the time it's down-right hard. I've known this all along, but even still, I found myself wishing I could go back in time to when things were easier and making all the right choices seemed effortless. Early on in this journey that's exactly what it was like for me. But then again I had prayed for that and was blessed with a season that allowed me to focus in on myself and this journey in a way that brought a lot of success. As much of a blessing as this was, I know that the Lord has me in a new place now. A place where I have to learn how to deal with "real" life...everyday. It can be hard to do even when life lays out a road for us that's flat and smooth, but now I'm navigating my way through bumps and potholes that make this journey harder still. This is the place we all find ourselves eventually. The question is...do we turn back (to our old ways), or do we find a way through (to a new and healthy life)?

For me the answer is...I'm finding my way through. And though it's slow goin' right now, the important thing to know is that I'm most definitely still goin'.

Before I go, I'd like to say one more thing. I know that I've been vague about alot of things in this post. As much as I wish I could share the details, I can't. What I can say is that things are difficult and uncertain for someone close to me. Please be praying for her and her family...and for mine as well. I don't ask this lightly.

Until next time...be blessed my friends.

Coming Full Circle

2011-09-29T23:44:00.001-04:00

It is never too late to be who you might have been.

George Eliot

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about this girl I knew a long time ago. She was only 19 at the time, and despite the fact that she was the least athletic person I had ever know, she became a runner. It wasn't easy for her, but her hard work and determination paid off. She was well on her way to becoming the person she had always wanted to be. But then something happened. She injured her foot while out on a run one day and sadly had to take a couple months off to recover. When she was finally able to start running again, she was shocked to discover she had lost much of her endurance. She was so discouraged that she did the unthinkable. She quit!

This is her...after one of her runs.

Recognize her?

Yeah...that's me...a long long time ago. And believe it or not, I really was a runner once upon a time. To this day, I live with the regret that I quit. It became a habit I would repeat for many years to come. Back then, I didn't know how to handle feeling discouraged. I didn't know what it meant to start again. And I certainly didn't know it would take me 25 years to figure out!!!

This journey, as long and as hard as it can be, has taught me these very important lessons. And even though I don't always like where I am, I'm also happy I'm not where I was when I started out at 263 pounds. The nice thing about some journeys is that they can sometimes bring us full circle...back to a place and time of importance in our life. Over the past couple of weeks, I've absolutely found this to be true. And why? Because...

I'm running again!!!

Not only that, but I'm in training to run my first 5k race...ever! I'm only in my second week of training but can already tell you it's been amazing. It's also been hard...very hard. But when I'm out there pounding the pavement I'm reminded of all the reasons I ever started to run in the first place! And sometimes I even feel a little bit like that girl I used to be!

Running a 5k was one of my goals for this year, but I have to tell you...as the year wore on I seriously doubted I would ever actually do it. But then...I watched the Biggest Loser...and the rest was history! After hearing that all the contestants would be back at the end of the show to compete in a marathon, I knew I had to do it! My goodness...if they can run a marathon than surely I can do a 5k. Right?

So I'm making it official...right here...right now!

I'm running the Knoxville Jingle Bell Run

on December 10, 2011.

...and I'm so excited!!!

I'll keep you posted on my progress, but in the meantime I

would gratefully welcome any advice from all you runners out there!!!

I Faced My Fear and Did it Anyways!!!

2011-09-25T12:18:00.006-04:00

What do you see when you look at this woman?

I don't know about you, but what I see is a confident, happy, peaceful person who's come a long long way from where she used to be!

It's hard to believe, but just a few short years ago,

I was so afraid of life I was scared everytime I left my home.

I was afraid of getting into a wreck...

Afraid of what people thought of me...

Afraid of doing or saying the wrong things...

Afraid of everything!

But mostly I was afraid I would never overcome my fears so that I could truly live life!!!

So you can just imagine my surprise a few years back when I met a woman named Shelly. She's one of those people who is bold and fearless, full of life, and bounding with energy like no one else I've ever known!

She's also an avid hiker!!!

She has a passion for being outdoors, exploring the beauty of God's creation. But here's the biggest shocker, at least to me anyways! She had absolutely no problem doing it ALONE!!! When she told me that, I was shocked! My first and only question to her that fateful day was...why? Why in the world would someone, especially a woman, want to be out in the woods all by herself? I truly questioned her sanity and whether or not she had a death wish. But truth be known, there was a small part of me that was also intrigued. There was something in me that longed for that same kind of passion in my own life. Something inside that wanted a place I could go to just simply be. Little did I know then that Shelly planted a seed in me that day. A seed that would grow!

But first I had to overcome my fear!!!

It's no secret that I've already fallen in love with hiking. I've done plenty of it in the past year. What I haven't done though was take it to the next level and go it alone! So when I met for lunch this past week with my friend and fellow blogger Sharon, who also happens to be an experienced hiker, I wasted no time in asking her what she thought. She didn't hesitate to encourage me to venture out and just do it!!! And that's exactly what I did...yesterday!!!

But before I get to that, there's something I've got to tell you.

When I finally made the decision to take Sharon's advice, that fear I was telling you about came to the surface in ways I never expected. I found myself waking up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep and so full of "what if's" I almost didn't do it. But then I remembered something.

I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5

...and I realized that I wasn't doing this alone at all...

and it gave me all the courage I needed.

Here are some of the sights from my first solo hike!!!

I was literally...

'Walking beside quiet waters'

and meandering through the mountains...

and simply sitting in the quiet of the day.

About an hour or so into my 5 1/2 mile hike, I quickly realized that each trail I've hiked this year truly has a personality all its own. I experienced peace in a way I've never experienced before. There's something that happens when you truly get away from it all that allows you to shake off the cares of this world and connect to God's creation in a new way.

I felt as if I were one with nature...and the deer!!!

But they didn't feel the same way...not at all.

They quickly made their exit as soon as I snapped this picuture.

I loved the feeling of adventure I felt as I discovered surprises around every corner.

I felt like a kid again!

As I neared the end up my day, I knew I had found something I would do for the rest of my life!!!

As long as I am able, you'll find me on the trail.

Thanks Shelly...

and thank you Sharon...

You've both given me the courage to face my fears...

and because of that, I'll never be the same again!!!

What about you?

Are there fears you need to face in your own life?

The Best Weight Loss Advice I Ever Got For Getting Through The Hard Times

2011-09-22T23:17:00.002-04:00

This post is part confession, part advice. My confession, I'm up six pounds from my lowest weight so far of 206 pounds. While I'm at it I might as well confess that it was even higher than that a few weeks ago. But here's the biggest confession of all. If I hadn't followed the advice I'm about to share with you, I could have been way way up from where I am right now. How far? Based on how fast I know I can gain weight, and based on how challenging this summer has been for me, I have no doubt I could have been up by 30 pounds...and I'm not exagerating! So while some might think it's a bad sign that I'm up at all, or that maybe I'm going to be another statistic and gain all my weight back, they would be wrong. And rather than beat myself up, which is what I used to do, I've embraced where I am...even celebrated it! Why? Because I have come through a big time detour in my weight loss journey having learned how to get through the hard times in a pretty successful way!

Now for the advice, for which I can take no credit, but am more than happy to pass along. When we come to those hard times, and we all do, just do something!!! There were days during this summer I could only manage to get in my 12 cups of water, or work on getting in my fruits and veggies. Other days I was able to get in a good sweaty workout, but then there were those where it was all I could do to stay positive and tell myself I wasn't a quitter. Whatever it was that I did, I just made sure I was doing something!

This is the advice that changed me from an all or nothing kind of girl who was the queen of 'starting over on Monday mornings' into the person I am today. So long as I'm doing something I don't have wait to start again. I don't have to regain 50 pounds to wake up and realize I've made a mistake. Nope! Now I know that no matter how hard times might be, I can do what I can even if it's not perfect, even if it's the smallest little step forward. By doing something rather than nothing, I've been able to minimize the damage. I don't love the fact that I've gained weight. I would have rather maintained or even lost weight this summer. But I'll tell ya, this smallish gain is a whole lot better than what it could have been. It's progress and I'll take it! So remember, whatever the reasons are, whether it's a busy season in your life, or a family illness, or maybe your just plain tired and you're not able to give this journey all you've got, just do something!

The To Do List

2011-09-18T17:34:00.004-04:00

I can't tell you how happy I am to be sitting on my friends deck overlooking the beautiful Cherokee Lake...blogging! It's been nearly two months since I've had this privilege. As I mentioned in my last post, life had gotten busier than usual and had quite literally swept me away. I have to admit though it was partially my own fault. As a home school mom, I don't have much time throughout the year to accomplish much other than the daily work that fills my day...schooling my girls, housework, cooking, laundry, blah blah blah. So summer time is when I try to conquer those things I put on hold throughout the year. Last summer however, I had just newly joined Weight Watchers and made a decision to put everything on hold so that I could devote myself whole heartedly to this journey. Looking back, it was the best summer I can remember since being a kid. The only bad thing about it was that I couldn't do that again this summer!!! There were things that desperately needed my attention.

Knowing that, I made a to-do list back in late June that has taken me this long to complete. It was a pretty ambitious list that has tested me on every level! For starters, I had an abundance of produce to harvest and put back. (Margene, I sure could have used your help!)

This is what 14 dozen ears of corn looks like! But that wasn't all, I put back 100 pints of stewed tomatoes, 70 quarts of green beans, peach jam, pickles, relish, soup mix, blueberries, and the list goes on and on. Honestly, it was too much and I won't ever do that again!!!

But that was only the beginning...because as you might remember we also had a bathroom floor to repair due to a leak we didn't know about. What we thought was just a little nuisance of a problem turned into a complete bathroom remodel!!!

See what I mean!

When we pulled up the floor and took everything out, what we found was a big fat mess!!!

Here are just a few of the pictures of the whole process which took us two months to complete.

First the floor had to be cut out and all the plumbing redone. And is often the case, one thing led to another and another and you get the picture.

We decided to cover over the awful popcorn ceiling with bead board...and of course a new ceiling just wouldn't be complete without new paint and decor, would it?

Here's the finished bathroom!

My husband and I, a little worse for wear, did most of the work ourselves with a couple of experienced friends pitching in where they could. (Thank you Sam and John!)

I was going for a look I call cottage chic.

It turned out great, but I definitely don't think my husband I could withstand the building of a whole house. It was quite a project and I'm ever so glad it's done!!!

In addition to all this, we also pressure washed our house, I spring cleaned my living room, and dining room, thoroughly cleaned out my closet (what a job!!!) and I completed my school planning for all nine subjects I'm teaching...for the entire year! Oh and I almost forgot, I also organized a neighborhood yard sale for 16 families. I sound like super woman, don't I? But don't be fooled...I'm so totally not!!! I was stressed beyond belief this summer and have made absolutely no progress in this journey. Trying to accomplish all of this in two months was just plain foolish. What I have come away with however are some very important lessons that will no doubt help me now and in the future.

The first thing I've learned is that it's so so important for me to recognize my limitations. I can only do so much with the time I have, and at no time can I ever again sacrifice my self, my health, or my sanity...period! Seriously, I bit off more than I could chew and should have known better! I allowed a to do list to pretty much dictate my life for weeks. This my friends is not healthy! It all goes back to that all or nothing mentality that so many of us struggle with in this journey. It just so happened that it reared it's ugly head in the form of a to-do list this time. In the future, I will try to remember this summer and make wiser decisions with my time and how I go about accomplishing things.

The second thing I've learned is that I need to let the lessons I've learned in this journey somehow find there way into other areas of my life where I'm still very much out of balance. I truly believe that balance is the key to happiness, health, peace and joy. And anytime I'm lacking these things, you can bet I'm out of balance somewhere. I hate to admit this, but the only time I seem to do well in this journey is when I say "no" to things. But I wonder, is this also out of balance? I sure wish I had some answers. If I figure it out, I'll let you know.

The final thing I've learned is how important it is for me to have time for myself. It's something I've done throughout this journey and something I've been lacking this summer. Having this time helps me get closer to finding that much needed balance I was just talking about. I desperately need quiet and solitude in my life. Am I alone here? Do any of you feel this way too? I think it's so important to have time to think and dream and let your mind go wherever it wants to go. It might sound a little corny, but it's the truth. Sadly, it takes a determined effort to make this time for myself. This world we live in doesn't make it easy. If anything, it's a noisy world filled with interference from every angle, that if allowed, will crowd out that little voice inside of us that desperately needs to be heard!

I know many of you have been worried about me, and I don't blame you...I've been worried about me too. But I'm here and I'm still as committed to this journey as I ever have been...maybe more so. And even though I've not made any progress in losing weight, I've also not given up. Not by a long shot! I've still kept walking, hiking, and eating well (most of the time anyway) though not perfectly. I'll share more about that in my next post. For now, what's important to know is that I've made a big decision that I've not been shy in announcing to my family, friends, and now you. I want the rest of this year to be devoted to this journey. And as out of balance as that may or may not be...it's the truth. For whatever reason I just don't do as well when I over commit myself to other things. So right or wrong, I'm going to consciously work at saying no (at least for a while) to anything that might keep me from what has, is, and always will be an important part of my life...me!!!

Swept Away

2011-07-26T23:19:00.002-04:00

Before I begin I just want to say how grateful I am for the support you all have given me. These past weeks have been challenging at best, but just knowing you all care and are praying has made things easier somehow. It's funny how people I've never had the chance to meet (except for Sharon) have become such an important part of my life. Thank you all so much.

Now for an update...

I woke up this morning with a big question hanging over me. How did I go from being so solid and secure in my journey, to this place? I feel like I've been swept away by some huge wave...a wave not of water, but of life and all that it can throw at you. And just like big waves, this one came out of no where, caught me completely off guard, and has carried me away far from where I was.

As I sit here, I have a bathroom in ruins...comepletely gutted with a toilet sitting on my front deck! My kitchen is overflowing with so much produce that needs canning I can barely take it all in. I have a mountain of school books needing to be prepared for our next school year. My legs desperately need shaving and to top it all I've started so many projects around my house I don't know how I'm ever going to finish them all. Oh, and did I forget to mention that I'm organizing a neighborhood yardsale? Oh yeah! The worst part is I have a self-imposed deadline for all of this by the end of August so we can finally get back to school!!!

Am I stressed? Yep!

Am I hadling it well? Nope!

Anyways, as I laying there thinking about all of these things, I realized that all this "stuff" that has so rudely interupted my life, my agenda, my plans, did so without my consent. But then again, that's the nature of life, isn't it? It isn't all about me! Stuff happens...and it always will. Life isn't always going to make it easy for us to lose weight and live healthy. I spent nearly 20 years waiting for the right set of circumstances to lose this weight...it never happened! So there I was this morning...reminded once again that the key to this journey is in learning how to deal with this fact in a positive way.

So the question then became...what am I going to do about it?

The first and most obvious thing for me was to put everything into perspective. None of these things I'm dealing with are serious life and death kinda stuff. An inconvenience? Yes. But certainly not worth stressing myself out over and losing sight of the bigger picture. And that's exactly what I've done. This "swept away" feeling I've had has kept me from simply doing the next right thing. When you really think about it, the people who survive being swept away aren't the one's floundering about, they're the one's who somehow manage to find something to grab hold of. And that's exactly what I'm going to do!

I'm grabbing hold of my Lord and am making time each morning for some quiet one on one time with Him...allowing Him to order the steps of my day...resting in His peace. And I'm also grabbing hold of my goals which I've lost sight of in these past weeks. I've decided that if there's something on my long list of to do's that's not going to get done, it's NOT going to be taking care of myself!!! That's just not an option. If I have to throw out produce that rots, oh well. If I don't get everything done that I've set out to do, than so be it. It won't be the end of the world. And finally, I've decided that I have to start blogging again...for me. Writing is my outlet. It's a way for me to work through all these things and find my way to the other side. But that's not all. I know that I have to get back to reading your blogs because they've been such an encouragement to me in my own journey, and I've missed reading them more than you know!

Until next time...good night.

The Ugly Truth

2011-07-11T05:24:00.002-04:00

I know that many of you have been wondering what in the world has happened to me and if I'm okay. Before I even try to answer those questions, I just want to apologize...first for being so quiet, but also for not being there for all of you (my sweet blog friends). I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to sit down over this past month to write and to be real about how I'm doing. It was never my intention to go this long without writing, but I've been overwhelmed and confused by this place I've found myself in. It's taken me all these weeks to understand what in the heck happened to me! The truth is that I'm still trying to process it all. I don't know how well I'll be able to put into words something that seems so jumbled up in my mind, but I'll try.

The simple answer is that there isn't one. It's not just one, or two, or even ten things I can put my finger on that can explain this mess of emotions I've been dealing with. I wish I could say I ended up here because of stress, or the mryiad of car troubles we've had that resulted in us buying a new vehicle (a huge committment for us by the way), or the hemorrhoid from hell I had for over a week, or my 15 year anniversary and the romantic get-a-way that followed, or the fact that I feel like a complete failure as a homeschool mom, or that my bathroom floor has fallen in due to a leak we didn't know we had which now means ripping out the whole bathroom to make repairs, or that I'm having female issues that seem to be taking over my life, or that during all of this my garden has come in by the bushels full and needs canning...like yesterday!!! Oh if only it were that simple!!!

Seven pounds up and somewhere between the hemorrhoid and the romantic get-a-way I began to see that there was something more going on in my life than what met the eye. I was a mess and deep down I knew it was more than just circumstances that were to blame. It was more about balance and the fact that I didn't seem to have any...at all. The fact that my life seemed to be spiraling out of control was just a mirror image of what had been going on inside of me for weeks...without me even realizing it. All I know is that as I got closer and closer to finally getting under 200 pounds...a number I haven't seen since my 20's...I was getting more and more obsessed. And every week that went by that I didn't reach my goal, I was pressing in even harder trying to get there. It was here where I lost sight of what really mattered in this journey toward health. For me this journey has been about finding joy along the way and in the weeks leading up to all this I had lost that. But that wasn't all. I realized that my lack of balance was affecting every other area of my life in ways I hadn't wanted to see. For me it was kind of like that feeling of shock and horror you feel when you see a picture of yourself and realize for the first time how fat you've become...when you see the ugly truth for what it is. Well that's exactly how I felt when I realized that there were many areas of my life I had been neglecting. As important as it is for me to lose this weight and live a healthy life, I can't just be all about myself...my health...or even my blog. I have other responsibilities in my life...to my family, my home, my children's education, and my walk with the Lord that are equally as important and somehow I have to find a way to balance them all.

So that my friends is where I'm at and where I've been. I'm an un-balanced mess of a woman who's still very much determined to live a healthy life...physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting there, but other times (like now) I realize I still have a long long long way to go.

Thank you all for your concern and words of encouragement...

I love you all.

Trail Diva's

2011-06-12T16:08:00.004-04:00

Every Friday morning before the sun comes up, I head out the door for what has become a weekly tradition with my friend Tammy and I...hiking. It's a time set aside for us to shake off all the cares of our busy lives and just be ourselves. We don't worry about our hair, make-up or anything else (as you can clearly see in this picture). No, this is a day devoted to trails, great conversation, and the simple pleasure that comes from being out in nature...sweating our butts off!!! You see, these are no ordinary walks we're out on...they're 6-7 mile power hikes! And by the time we're done, we're not just ordinary sweaty women...we're trail divas!!!

Here we are ramping up for our hike. Even though I only just started hiking in the last year, I've already learned (the hard way) to come prepared! Here's why...

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself on the trail with temps in the upper 90's, my water bottle in my car, and before I knew it I was on the ground suffering from heat exhaustion! Did I forget to mention that this little patch of ground I sat on was covered in poisen ivy!!! Oh yeah. Suffice it to say that I learned my lesson...come prepared!!!

A quick trip to Wal-Mart produced this great little waist pack...perfect for the trail. Not only can I carry my camera (every bloggers essential), but there's also enough room for everything else I might need...I hope.

My water bottle, cell phone, keys, band-aids, anti-bacterial wipes, tissue (ehem), protein bar, and of course a trail guide! I also loop a terry cloth towel around the strap to wipe up the buckets of sweat I seem all too proficient in producing!!!

Here are a few of the sights from Friday's hike...

I have to say, if you're looking to add a new level of difficulty to everyday walking, or are just wanting to add in some variety, you should definately give hiking a try. There's something about climbing hills and the level of hard work it takes to stay steady on your feet that kicks my butt everytime! I love it!!!

Here I am all showered, cleaned up, and

feeling great because this week I hit a new low!

206 lbs...watch out Onederland...here I come!!!

I Quit!!!

2011-06-10T00:12:00.002-04:00

Okay, so you're probably wondering what in the world is going on. Am I quitting? The answer...NO!!! I'm no quitter, but once upon a time I used to be. I had many reasons and even more excuses for quitting, and I felt completely justified everytime. Somewhere along the line all that changed. Maybe that's why I feel so sad when I see others around me quitting. I can relate. And even though I know it's the nature of this journey to find casualties along the long road we travel, I can't help but want to reach out and scream at the top of my voice, not unlike Jillian Michaels...

Don't quit!!!

Don't you dare give up!!!

What are you thinking?

Get back up and try again...NOW!!!

But I can't do that. Who would ever hear me here in blogland? What I can do though is discuss the reasons why we quit, and the even better reasons why we shouldn't!!! So here goes...

Why do we quit...when things get tough?

Because we forget that life is always going to be tough...better we learn how to deal with the ups and downs, the pressures, and the trials now rather than later...because one day it may be too late!

Why do we quit...when we get bored?

If we're bored than we need to get unbored! Find new recipes, a new form of exercise, or a new attitude. Do something. Remember...getting bored just happens...staying bored is a choice!

Why do we quit...when we mess up?

Because were expecting too much from ourselves. We need to make room in our lives for our imperfections...embrace them and learn from them!

Why do we quit...when we get frustrated?

Frustration, although painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success. Bo Bennett

Why do we quit...when the scale stops moving?

Because we're impatient. Losing weight, with the right choices, will happen in its own time. Unfortunately that doesn't always mean "our time". Patience (silly rabbit) is a virtue!

Why do we quit...when changes aren't happening fast enough?

Time is going to go by anyways. We might as well spend it getting healthy and reaching for our goals.

Why do we quit...when we get discouraged?

Because we forget that feelings are fickle. Remember the saying...this too shall pass! And while you're waiting for them to pass, keep working, keep praying, and keep on keepin' on!

Why do we quit...believing "Now's not the time"?

Because we're waiting for things to be easy. There's nothing about this journey that's easy and life will never give us just the right time or circumstances. The only time we truly have is now!

Why do we quit...over and over again?

For all the reasons above. When we can learn to embrace the right attitude about ourselves and this journey, then and only then, can we see it through!

The next time you feel like quitting,

remember...there's never a reason

good enough to give up on yourself...period!!!

What's Your Wordle?

2011-06-08T18:14:00.003-04:00

My fellow blogger friend and Weight Watcher Annie, over at Annie Weighs had a great post the other day that inspired me to do my own Wordle. And because I believe so strongly in the power of words, what better way to express who I am in this journey than this...

So, what's your Wordle?

You can make one for yourself here...oh, and don't

forget to leave me a link so I can come by and see it!!!

Be blessed!!!

If At First You Don't Succeed...

2011-06-05T15:21:00.005-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my friend Jamie who attends my Saturday morning Weight Watchers meeting. She was in a pretty bad place and had been struggling for a while now to lose weight. As she was explaining how hard things had been for her, she asked me how I deal with life without letting it affect me in my journey. It was an honest question that I knew deserved an answer, but at the time my words failed me. I've thought alot about Jamie since that day, and knowing that she reads my blog from time to time, I wanted to do a post dedicated to her and her question.

The first thing I want to make clear is that I do struggle...we all do. There's nothing about my journey that's been perfect...far from it. But there are steps I've learned to take that have helped me stay the course this time...something I've never been able to do before. These steps can be summed up in one word...reset.

We all have an inner reset button...

available to us whenever we need it.

I like to imagine that I have an inner reset button available to me anytime I need it. The purpose of any reset button is to simply clear the memory and forcibly reboot to the original state. It's a way to wipe out mistakes and start again from the point the mistake was made. It's brilliant really. The problem is we don't realize we too have the ability to reset. Instead, we focus in on our mistakes and allow them to define us rather than our ability to rise up and start again. It's a mindset that kept me obese for most of my adult life. Once I realized I could shift my thinking, I became a proactive part of the solution.

Okay, that all sounds fine and good, but not very practical. So let me get right down to the steps I've learned to take that help me reset anytime I need to.

The steps to reset are a cycle I've repeated over and over again!

Realize

The first big thing that changed for me was that I realized the true nature of this journey...that it's just plain hard and long, and that making mistakes are part of it. This realization enabled me to accept and surrender to the process of change. It's a process that takes time and patience and hard work...and did I mention time? I had to let go of unrealistic expectations and the perfectionist mentaility that had been holding me back. I had to settle in for a journey that will never end. Even now when I make mistakes, I have to remind myself of these things and let myself off the hook.

Evaluate

Instead of getting bogged down by my mistakes, I've learned instead to evaluate and learn from them. By doing this I move past the guilt game that is counter productive and doesn't do a thing to help me move forward. Over this past year I've learned many things through evaluating and have taken those lessons to heart. I've made changes where changes needed to be made. And most importantly I've realized that there's no such thing as failure as long as I'm willing to learn from my mistakes.

State

By definition the word state means to set forth in words in a specific, deliberate or formal way. Our words have such power for the good or the bad. We can speak life over ourselves and our sitations, or we can speak death.

The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

Through the right use of words we can have a positive affect on not only our own lives, but on those around us. I spent many years sabatoging myself through speaking negative words over my life and then wondered why I was so defeated. I know it's hard when life is beating us up not to play into that and speak about all the negatives, but life is always going to be hard. That's something that won't change...but we can. If we resist the urge to take the low road of negativity and intentionally choose positive words, we can completely change the course of our journey.

Call those things which be not as though they were. Romans 4:17

I have to work hard on this step...everyday. I can go to that negative place quicker than lightening. I've learned however to deliberately state the positives. I do this in two ways. One, by how I choose to speak about situations. And two, by writing down the positives in the form of goals and postive affirmations. You can view my goals for 2010 and 2011 here. And click here to see the list of positive affirmations I use. I printed them out and put them by my toilet...the one place where I was able to be still several times a day and where I could have the privacy to speak these things out loud...alone...where I wouldn't feel so foolish. When I first started doing this it was awkward, but I was desperate to change my thinking. Over time I actually began to believe what I was saying. Looking back, they've become a self-fullfilling prophecy and I find myself thinking these things automaticallly...most of the time anyway.

Eliminate

The first and most obvious goes hand in hand with the previous step...elimate negative thinking. But there are other things we need to elimate as well...temptation and excuses! If you know you can't handle having a bag of Baked Lays Cheddar and Sour cream chips in the house (I'm speaking to myself here), than don't. It's that simple. I've even had to say no to certain situations I knew would be too much for me. We all have things that tempt us from time to time. Sometimes we're in a place where we can handle them, and other times we're not. Know yourself and make whatever decisions you need that are right for you...without apology!

Now for excuses. Excuses are the death blow to any and all efforts we make towards a healthy life. I battle with this one too. A couple of months back I realized that I had gotten off track for the simple reason that I was making excuses. When I realized what I was doing, I literally looked myself in the mirror and said...NO MORE EXCUSES!!! You can do this Kimberlynn...so do it!!! That simple statement to myself was enough to get me back on track.

Try...try again!

I spent alot of years looking for the magic key that would take this weight off of me. I finally figured out there is no magic key. There's only determination, dedication, and perserverance. All of these amount to one thing...never give up. It's like the old saying goes...

If at first you don't succeed...try, try again!!!

That's it. That's the key and there's no magic to it. As long as you never give up, you'll get there. It might not be as fast as you want it to be, (trust me, I know) but you'll get there!!!

As a special note to Jamie...I love you friend and the fact that you've not given up proves that you have what it takes to do this.

I believe in you girl!!!

A Firm Decision

2011-06-01T18:42:00.009-04:00

When I started working out a year ago, it was all I could do to walk for 15 minutes. At that point my back would start to cramp and my shins would scream for me to stop. Thankfully, I hung in there and over time saw huge strides in my level of fitness. I've gone from barely being able to walk a mile, to power walking seven miles at a time and charging up hills and mountains like a mad woman. I have to tell you...it feels great!!! For the first time in my life I feel like there's an athlete inside of me starting to emerge. Coming from someone who ran the 50 yard dash in high school slower than everyone else (I'm not kidding), that's saying alot! But over the past month or so I've begun to feel like I need more of a challenge. And you all know how much I love setting goals for myself. So, being that we're going into a new season, I thought it was high time to shake things up a bit.

I'm not one easily swayed by infomercials (normally), but after watching the new Firm Express...get thin in 30, well let's just say...they got me!!! Don't get me wrong, I'm not buying into their 'get thin in 30' claim for one minute. I still have too much weight lose to believe that one...even if I wanted to. But, I do think there's something good to be offered by these DVD's. I must have watched this infomercial a half dozen times before finally placing my order.

Here's what swayed my decision...

I love that these workouts are only 20 minutes. I wasn't looking to replace my walks, but rather to supplement them. These will be great to do before or after a walk!
I wanted to begin building muscle...I think these will do just that while at the same time offering cardio and toning benefits.
I also liked that you do 8 second bursts of the same movement, followed by a 12 second recovery. Being that I'm not the most coordinated person, (proven Monday night when I fell flat on my face while out walking...in front of my neighbors...all five of them!) this was a relief.
I love that there are 12 DVD's...three per week and that you get a new trainer each week. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. No more boredom from hearing the same people say the same things over and over again! You repeat the series each month building strength each time.

and finally...

After a bit of research, I found that their workout calendar offers three levels to choose from...beginners, intermediate, and advanced. This is perfect for someone like me who loves to set goals. I'm hoping in time to work my way through each level.

Here's a clip if you're interested...click here.

Time will tell if I've made a good decision or not, but in the meantime I'm already looking forward to getting started. And that's what this journey is all about afterall...keeping things fresh and fun and exciting...right? As crazy as it sounds, I'm even thinking of taking some before and after pictures of myself in tight fitting workout clothes to track my results. That should be interesting!

I'm curious...have any of you purchased the Firm Express?

If so...what do you think of it?

and for those of you who haven't...

are you mixing things up with your workout routine?

My First Year and What I've Learned

2011-05-30T00:29:00.006-04:00

259.5 pounds 207.5 pounds

Total Loss in my first year...52 pounds!!!

On May 29th of 2010 I made a decision that would change my life. I had no idea at the time that this time would be "the" time, but it was. To be completely honest, when I rejoined Weight Watchers, it wasn't because I wanted to, but only because it was the last day of free enrollment and I knew I needed to do something. My first week on program I only half heartedly tried and found that my heart just wasn't in it. It was the first and only time I had ever joined that I felt nothing...no motivation, no desire, and no interest. Looking back, it was the best place I could have been because I had finally reached the end of myself. I prayed a simple but honest prayer and asked God to help me. I asked Him to show me the truth about myself and how I could begin to overcome the things in my life that had been holding me back. That prayer was just the beginning.

One year later, I've learned that I am an overcomer. I've learned how to deal with life and the day to day things that come my way. I've learned how to start again when I've had a bad day or week. I've learned how to press in when the scale isn't moving and how to perservere even when I don't reach my goals. I've learned that eating healthy doesn't have to be boring. I've learned that I actually love exercise and that I'm a nature girl...me!!! I've learned that there's no such thing as failure as long as I'm willing to learn from my mistakes. And I've learned that God doesn't fail us...we fail Him when we choose to quit. I could go on and on with all that I've learned over this past year, but make no mistake. It's not in any way because of who I am. The truth is that I'm just an average woman who struggles daily, but who serves a mighty God who is able to do more than I ever dreamed He could.

As I sit here tonight, I'm almost exactly half way to my goal. There are times that I wish my journey was going faster...that I could be one of those people who loses 100 pounds in a year, but I'm not. And you know what? I'm finally at a place where I'm okay with that. The truth is that this journey is not an easy one. There is so much more about me that needs to be changed...far more than a number on the scale, and those kinds of changes take time. Period!

Before I go, I wanted to take a moment to thank each and every one of you who have visited my blog in this past year. You have been such an encouragement to me...far more than you'll ever know. I'm so grateful that you've allowed me to share my journey with you. I'm looking forward to all that this next year holds. Not just for me, but for all of you as well.

Be blessed my friends!

I love you all.

Walk It Challenge 2011

2011-05-23T01:36:00.002-04:00

What could be better on a sizzling hot 90 degree day than participating in the Weight Watchers 2011 Walk It Challenge? Other than swimming in the lake, I couldn't think of a single thing! Not only was this my opportunity to walk my first ever official 5K, but I also got to mark off another trail on my list of 2011 fitness goals, and I earned this shiny charm (above) for my key chain. Who could resist all that? Not me!

I was glad to see my buddies from my Saturday morning meetings there all ready to go; Stephanie on the left, and Marsha on the right.

This is Cindy...my Weight Watcher Leader.

She's one of the funniest southern women I've ever known

and I love her dearly!

This is Amy...one of my previous leaders who I hadn't seen in 18 months. It was so great to see the surprised look on her face when she saw me...the last time was 50 pounds ago!

This is everyone from my Saturday morning meeting. I was honestly hoping more from our group would be there, but with the heat, I wasn't all that surprised. In all, there were about 50 people from our area who turned out for the walk.

Here I am just before heading out...

well hydrated and rip roarin' ready to go!

I finished the 5K in a little under an hour. With the heat and the fact that the walk was mostly done on trails, I thought I made good time. I was the third one to cross the finish line which gave me the chance to cheer on my fellow Weight Watchers as they finished!

It was a great day and I can't wait to do another 5K soon!

I think I'm hooked!!!

50 Pounds...Before & After

2011-05-19T00:13:00.002-04:00

When I first started my blog, I had already been doing Weight Watchers for over a month. I had no idea at the time that I would ever in a million years be sharing these pictures with anyone...most especially the early pictures. Not only are they very personal, but for me they're painful to look at. Just preparing for this post was hard and I found myself tearing up more than once. But if sharing the truth about myself can encourage even one person, than it will have been worth it.

Here are a few picture of me through the years at various weights.

I spent nearly 18 years as an obese woman.

Always with a pillow trying to hide my tummy...

And usually lying down because I was so tired!

263 pounds

259.5 pounds and the

day I joined Weight Watchers!

245 pounds

239 pounds

230 pounds

213 pounds

209.5

This is me now.

I still have a long way to go,

but I'll get there...and so can you!!!

All things are possible through Christ who gives me strenth.

Philippians 4:13

Celebrating 50 Pounds

2011-05-16T12:51:00.006-04:00

I finally did it!!! I hit my 50 pound goal. Saturday was a very emotional day for me. For starters I really didn't think there was any way possible that I would hit my goal this week...the week that I took 3 days off. I never would have believed it. I actually went to my meeting completely prepared to stay the same. So when Nancy (one of the ladies who weighs us in) looked at me and said..."you did it!"...I couldn't believe it. But then...well then I started to cry. Poor Nancy took one look at me and came out from behind the counter to give me a big hug. She knew. It had taken me a long time, alot of hard work, and overcoming so many challenges for me to get to this point. Never in my life have I lost 50 pounds. It was a defining moment for me.

I haven't really rewarded myself too much along the way. I think my last reward was for losing twenty pounds and for that I bought myself a beautiful purse. I knew however that I was definately getting myself a reward for meeting this big goal. I had picked it out months ago and have visited it often over these past several weeks...seriously. Everytime my friend and Weight Watchers buddy Tammy and I go to breakfast at Cracker Barrell I would stop by and look at it...try it on...and firmly tell myself no...not until I lost 50 pounds would I buy it.

I just love everything about this bracelet. I love the earthiness of the green stones and how imperfectly shaped they are. So on our way out of town (I'll get to that in minute) I stopped by with my friend Kim to buy it. As I was showing her the bracelet, I couldn't help point out another one that I also loved. My friend Sarah who happens to manage the gift shop area was also standing there with us, and she says..."you've worked hard, why don't you get them both. I'll give you my employee discount which is 35% off!" I don't know about you, but that was too good a deal to pass by.

So I got them both!!!

(Thank you sweet Sarah)

That was just the beginning of my celebration however.

I wanted this night to be special!!!

So I planned a night out on the town now refered to as...

A double date...Triple D style!!!

One of my favorite TV shows is Diner's, Drive-in's, and Dives with Guy Fieri. I love, love, love him and all the funky places he goes to. And since I've always wanted to eat at one of these places, I did just that. The closest place for us was right up the road in Knoxville at a place called the Pizza Palace. It's a family owned Italian drive-in that's been there since 1961. One of my favorite things about this place is that everything is still the same as it was back then. All you have to do is take one look at the sign to see that!

And here we all are...me and my husband, our best friends Kim and John, and the owner of Pizza Palace Charlie Peroulas.

With Charley's help we decided to order...

Pizza...of course. We got a large pizza with everything! Who could pass up a homemade crust and freshly shredded cheese?

Not me!!!

But that's not all we ordered.

We also got this huge Greek salad...with anchovies on the side.

I've always wanted to try them!

And finally...an order of their famous onion rings! All of this is the strangest combination of food, but apparently it's what works for the Pizza Palace...and we were up for anything!

Well almost anything. We didn't take part in the full Pizza Palace experience which would have meant eating our dinner in the car. I had a better idea. Pizza on the river at sunset! Oh yeah!!!

We had the best time. We ate and laughed and acted like the big goof balls that we are!!! I found that I actually like anchovies. Who would have thought? We fed the ducks and the big carp fish too. We walked on the river. And finally, we couldn't resist the music of the live band playing, so we ended our night there...seated on the outdoor deck overlooking the river with all the city lights as its back drop. It was perfect!!!

So what's next?

For my blog...I'll finally be posting before and after pictures!

And for me...the next 10 pounds which will take me to 199!

I can't wait!!!

Three Days and It Ain't Pretty

2011-05-10T22:14:00.002-04:00

I did something this past weekend I rarely ever do. I checked out of life for two whole days. This wasn't at all planned, but happened as a result of some very difficult things that took place on Saturday. The details aren't worth going in to, but suffice it to say that sometimes life has a way of beating us up. By Sunday morning I was so drained and just needed some time to myself. My husband was sensitive enough to give me his blessing. So I packed an overnight bag and headed to the mountains.

After a quick stop to the grocery store to pick up some groceries, I found a quaint little hotel with a jucuzzi tub and mountain view...just what my worn out soul needed. I don't know about you, but I crave solitude. It's something I rarely ever get unless I go out of my way to make it happen. I wish I could say that I used this time alone to pray, reflect and constructively work through my pain and frustration. This would have been the better choice, especially considering that I made the decision to amp up my accountability this month...but I didn't. I escaped everything...my eating plan, exercise, and all the good habits I've developed over the past year. Instead I ate, slept, and lazily browsed my way through bookstores...one of my favorite things to do.

I'm going to be honest here. I truly love this journey and all the amazing changes that have taken place over the past year, but at times it can also be exhausting. It's tiring always being on top of everything...thinking ahead and working through every problem that comes my way. For the most part I've done a really good job of that. It means staying present in my own life and taking great care to make good decisions day after day. But there comes a point where that same day to day stuff makes me weary. And this is the very reason why I gave myself permission to take a break...a break with a beginning and an end.

Now that I've returned to reality I've found that I don't regret my decision one bit. It was self-indulgent, but so what! Sometimes that's just what we need. When I first began to fill out my tracker to post it here on my blog, there was a big part of me that just cringed to think that everyone would see me for who I am...a hopelessly flawed woman. But then I realized that more than anything else...I just want to be real. Real about who I am. Real about this journey. And real about the fact that there's not one of us who does it perfectly. Again I say, so what! God's grace is more than sufficient for my imperfection.

Okay, so here it is...three far from perfect days of accountability. My dates are a little off, but everything else is accurate. I also reformatted my pages to more closely resemble my Weight Watchers tracker.

I don't consider Saturday as part of my little get-a-way, but wanted to post it here anyways. This was a 100+ points day...not at all hard to do by the way. In the old days I ate this much and more...everyday!!! I made the decision ahead of time to simply enjoy the day as my family, some friends and myself went out to celebrate Mother's Day. If you can even believe this...I used restraint. For dinner I shared a meal with my husband, and dessert was shared with everyone. Looking at this leaves no doubt that mindless eating is what led to me being so fat!!! These kind of days are few and far between for me now...thank God.

This is where things got a little rough. When I arrived at the hotel all I wanted to do was order take out and eat!!! I'm so glad I didn't do that or else this page would have looked so much worse.

Again, I was working on damage control for part of the day, and at other times completely letting go. As bad as it was, this was the end of my little escape from reality.

And with my return to reality came healthy eating...for the most part anyways. It was a good day of eating that I gratefully welcomed.

I'm so glad there's room in my life for days like these. I don't think I could do this if there wasn't.

I'm curious...

Do any of you ever just need a break?

If so...

Do you ever allow yourself to take one?

Gorgeous Boxes...A How To

2011-05-06T22:51:00.001-04:00

In my last post, several of you mentioned my "boxes" (one of you even called them gorgeous) and wondered how in the world I make them. Boxes like the one's seen on my sidebar that have My Numbers or my Walking Goals, and more recently my Food Tracker pages seen here.

So Deb, Keelie, and anyone else out there who is

interested in how I'm able to get these "boxes" on my blog...

this post is for you!

Let me introduce you to my favorite tool...

The Snipping Tool

When I purchased my new computer it came ready to use. I found it on the screen that pops up when I hit this button on my bottom toolbar...

You can also find it by clicking "All Programs" to see if it's offered on your computer. If it is, you can click on the snipping tool icon which brings up this little box...

It basically allows you to "capture" any image or screen on your computer. Here's an example...

This is the screen in Word that I make my daily tracker page on. (You can click on this image to see a full sized version). I make everything in Word...I love it. Once I finish whatever it is I want to put on my blog, I use the snipping tool to capture the image. In this example above I've used a 5x7 page for my tracker. The snipping tool gives me the ability to capture the image I want in any size I choose. It's fabulous!!! Once I have the image I want, I save it to a folder I use for my blog pictures. The only thing left to do at this point is to upload it to blogger like you would any picture. It's that easy.

If your computer doesn't have the snipping tool, you may want to see if you can find a download for it. If not, there are software downloads for "Screen Captures" that work just as well.

I hope this 'How To' has been of help and that

you'll have as much fun spicing up your blog as I have mine!!!

Kicked Up Accountability

2011-05-05T00:51:00.004-04:00

In my last post I mentioned that I would be accountable to all of you, my blogging friends, as a way of helping me reach my goal this month of getting to 199 lbs or Onederland! I originally thought I would post a little box on my sidebar similar to my "walking goals" box. It didn't take me long however to realize that wasn't going to work. So instead, I've decided to include a new page on my blog that will detail my daily tracker. Let me tell ya...if posting this doesn't keep me accountable...nothing will!!! Here's a sample of what I'll be posting...

I realize that some of you may not care at all what I eat on a day to day basis, and that's okay. I'm doing this for me more than anything else. But if you are interested, you can find my daily tracker page by clicking on this picture found on my sidebar.

Good, bad, or otherwise...I'll be completely honest about what and how much I'm eating. You'll soon learn that I'm a closet junk food junkie that needs an occasional "fix" from McDonald's. Ouch!!! But you'll also see that I love healthy foods just as much and have learned to balance my 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality where it concerns food!!!

Anyone else out there brave enough

to join me for some kicked up accountability?

Weighing In for April 2011 & May Goals

2011-05-02T22:17:00.003-04:00

The Scenic overlook at Panther Creek Park

and my absolute favorite place to walk!!!

It's hard to believe how fast this year is going by. April was no different. I'm so thankful that I finally found my groove again and boy oh boy did it pay off on the scale. But before I get to that, here are some of the highlights from this past month.

This is one of three trails I hiked in April. The lady in purple on the right is one of my best friends in the world, Sandy. We both have all girls, so between the two of us we feel like a motley crew when we're all together. This particular day was no different. We had a picnic in the park, hiked this little trail, and sat on a wooden bridge talking while our girls played in the creek below. It was a great day.

This is the creek I walk by when I go on what has now become a once a week tradition for me...a 7 mile hike. Ending up along this scenic trail with the water slipping by is a little slice of heaven.

Here's that wooden bridge I was talking about. On this day I was all by myself and enjoying every single solitary moment of it!!!

Too much time alone isn't a good thing though, which is exactly why I make a point to go hiking with friends. On the left is my dear friend Tammy who is such an encouragement to me. We've been friends through thick and thin...pun intended!!! You may recognize Sharon (on the right) from her blog. It was great to meet her this month...I can hardly wait to hit the trail with her again.

This was me before heading out for a walk which I did a whole lot of this month...110 miles!!!

Now for the numbers...

My weight at the beginning of April ~ 217.5

My weight at the end of April ~ 210

April weight loss total ~ -7.5

Total weight loss = 49.5 pounds

But at home without clothes on...

I'm even closer to 'Onederland'...

oh so close!!!

Several of you have asked me if I've set new goals for May. My answer...absolutely!!! April was a stellar month which has made me want to press in even more. I'm still not convinced that I can get to 199 by the end of May, but I'm sure gonna try. I have to be honest though...as hard as I worked this past month in the exercise department, I didn't give it my all when it comes to eating. I still indulged a bit too much, which got me to thinking. If I really pressed in and cleaned up my eating, I may actually get to Onederland by my one year anneversary...May 28th. I'm so excited by the possibility that I've decided that for the next 25 days I'm gonna do the following things...

I'm eliminating my 'free day', which is the one day a week where I allow myself anything I want to eat without overeating. I'm cutting this out and will instead enjoy a 'free meal' once a week. I'll use a maximum of 25 of my Weight Watchers bonus points trying to leave 24 unused. The rest of the week I will stick to my daily points without going over...this will definately be a challenge!!!
I've set my May walking goal for another 110 miles. I thought about upping that number, but finally decided that anything more than that was just plain crazy.
I will also be pre-tracking and tracking my food every single day...no matter what! I usually do pretty good at this, but have been known to miss a day here or there, or just wing it when it comes to eating. I'm really not so good at that, so...pre-tracking is a must!!!
I'm also going to be working on getting in 14 cups of water per day. I have a big jug by my sink that I'll fill up every morning and will hopefully have emptied by the end of each day.

and finally...

I'm going to be accountable to all of you...my blogging friends. I'm adding a new box on my sidebar that will show how I'm doing each day in all of these areas. I'll be completely honest...good or bad...until my final weigh in on Saturday, May the 28th.

Wish me luck!!!

April 2011 Walking Goal...Done!!!

2011-04-29T19:53:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I did it!!!

I walked 110 miles this month!!!

I've been asked if those miles included casual walking like shopping in the mall, or grocery shopping. For the record...no. I only count measureable miles walked on the pavement, trail, track or treadmill. I wasn't sure I could really do it, and at certain points throughout the month I seriously questioned my sanity and stamina.

Wednesday night's record setting tornado outbreak didn't help matters either. I fell a bit behind, but decided to press in over the past two days and git'r done!!! I'm a little worse for wear and my butt hurts everytime I move, but I don't even care. I'm just glad I set a goal and saw it through!

Here are a few things this crazy goal has taught me over the past month...

Goals are a good thing!
I need to extend goal setting to other areas of my life.
There are so many beautiful places to see in my area that I've been missing out on for far too long.
Walking relieves stress like nobody's business.
I have muscles in places I didn't even know about.
I have the most amazingly supportive husband and children.
It's good to put myself first sometimes.
Monthly walking goals are here to stay.
I've truly fallen in love with walking!!! I never would have believed it...but it's true!!!

How about you?

Are you a goal setter, and if so, what kind of goals do you set?

Before & After...of a Different Kind

2011-04-29T01:23:00.001-04:00

I woke up this morning feeling so overwhelmed and stressed out...not my usual self at all. There's been alot going on for weeks now, the details of which aren't worth going in to, but there is most definately something in all of this worth sharing. It became very clear to me today that the way in which I handle stress has changed dramatically. The old me would have turned to...

The couch...

remote control...

and a bag of chips!!!

The new me however has learned a better way.

I now turn to...

Fresh air, sunshine...

and the great outdoors...

for a long hard walk!!!

I reached a point today where I knew there was nothing else to do except pack my backpack and hit the road. 6.75 miles later I felt like I could return to the real world again. Pounding out my frustration on the pavement did me a world of good. And this isn't the first time either. Somewhere along the way I've learned how to handle stress in a way that's both positive and productive!!! Even more importantly, I'm learning to measure success in ways that go far beyond the scale.

How about you?

Have you found a new and better

way to handle life and all that it throws at you?

Tears in the Dressing Room

2011-04-26T03:02:00.017-04:00

Something pretty exciting happened to me this past weekend. After waking up Saturday morning to heavy cramping, my monthly visitor and a small gain on the scale, I put on my jeans to find that they were so big I couldn't get away with wearing them anymore. So after my Weight Watchers meeting I headed out to the store hoping to find a pair of jeans I actually liked. As luck would have it...I did. But that's not even the best part. I realized pretty quickly that the size I thought I'd need...a size 20 was way too big. And so were the 18's I tried on next!!! I ended up in a size 16 (women's)...a size I haven't seen in so long I can't even remember the last time. I stood there in that dressing room and began to cry as I looked in the mirror and saw someone completely different staring back at me.

Even though I was thrilled to have fit into a size 16, I actually didn't end up with those particular pair of jeans. It never even dawned on me until a conversation with a very nice sales girl that I was now able to shop from the juniors section of the store! And this is where I found and fell in love with the cutest pair of Levi's in a size 18! I thought about sharing a picture of me in my new jeans, but have decided instead to wait until I officially lose 50 pounds to post any full body shots. Until then...I'll share a picture of me that was taken on Easter Sunday...from the neck up! But before I do, I just have to show you one of our family's whacky Easter traditions. Each year we all create something...anything...out of what else? An egg!!! This years entries included...

A clown...

A guitar (created by my daughter)...

A bear on a log with a honey pot

(which won by the way)...

An "eggPlant"

(hysterical)...

and many more...including mine!!!

My egg wasn't nearly as creative as these!!! My goal was to simply create something that was quirky, colorful and pretty. It was only later when I saw this picture that I realized my egg symbolized so much more than that. Without even realizing it, I had created something that was a reflection of me and how I'm beginning to feel about myself these days!!! Now that's a non-scale victory!!!

No Ordinary Walk in the Park

2011-04-20T18:17:00.003-04:00

When I set out to walk 110 miles this month, I had no idea where that kind of goal would take me. I now know that going for distance is an invitation to go where ever the wind might blow. This past Monday it blew me to one of our local parks that I've only recently begun to explore. The truth is that I've always been to large to be able to get out and do the things I'm doing now. Maybe it's crazy, but I feel like a kid again. I want to go and see and do everything I can!!! It's an amazing feeling. But there's something even more amazing still. While I was at this park walking and exploring, I actually climed a mountain! Even though this mountain was a little on the smallish side compared to others found around here, my aching legs the next day attested to the fact that this was no ordinary walk in the park. Here are just a few of the pictures from what is now, hands down, my favorite walk of all time!

Most of my walk was down quiet tree lined roads.

It seemed that most everything was in full bloom.

There were trails to hike all along the way, and even though they were very tempting, I knew they'd have to wait for another time.

Stunning!

I continued walking and climbing, and breathing, and climbing, and panting, and still more climbing, and finally reached the top...whew!

The scenic overlook was a sight for sore eyes...

or maybe sore legs is more like it!!!

The clouds were really rolling in by the time I reached

the top, but with those clouds came the most amazing breeze!

I continued my walk back down the mountain, through the campground area, and along a winding trail by the creekside. The sound of the water trickling by was the most perfect way to end this 5.5 mile walk. It was truly a walk to soothe the soul and clear the mind. It's hard to believe how much I've been missing all these years.

When all was said and done, I went back to the top for a picture...something to commemorate this day I'll not soon forget. It was one of the hardest walks I've ever done, and I can't wait to do it all over again!

And where am I at with my April walking goal? Well as of today...

75 miles done...35 miles still to go!!!

Going For It

2011-04-18T09:42:00.003-04:00

I'm not usually one to set weight loss goals with deadlines. I've done that too many times before and learned that it's the perfect set-up for disappointment and failure. Having said that, I've made the decision to go ahead and do it anyways. I'm taking a giant leap of faith by putting this into writing and announcing it here to all of you, knowing full well I may not be able to reach this goal. But I just can't help myself. I'm getting so close to a major milestone in my life...that magic number everyone in blogland refers to as...

I have to confess. It's been nearly 17 years since I've been under 200 pounds. My husband has never seen me that small and neither have my children. Come to think of it, none of my friends have either since I moved here to east Tennessee around that same time. Please don't get me wrong...I'm not doing this for any of them. This is a personal goal that has everything to do with me and how far I've come in this journey. Over the weekend I realized how close I am to celebrating my one year anniversary since re-joining Weight Watchers. May 28th to be exact. I would love nothing more than to stand before my leader and friends on that special day to receive my 60 pound award knowing what a significant number that is!!!

Now I realize this is a long shot. And yes...it will take a great deal of commitment, determination and crazy hard work to even come close to reaching this goal. In the end, I may get there to find that all my efforts still weren't enough. If that's the case and I don't reach my goal, well...than I don't. It won't be the end of the world. I really am at peace with whatever number I arrive at on that day. In the meantime...I have to at least try! So...I'm going for it!!!

Let the countdown begin!!!

(see sidebar)

Anyone else out there have a crazy goal you're going for?

I've Hit the Wall

2011-04-14T18:25:00.010-04:00

When I set my April walking goal I was feeling a little ambitious. Okay...alot ambitious. At the time, 110 miles didn't seem like it would be too much to take on. But now...well, I'll just say I was wrong. It's alot (as you can see from my ticker above, and on my sidebar). In just two short weeks I've gone from feeling like this...

(As I mentioned in an earlier post...here)

To this!!!

And now I'm left wondering what in the world was I thinking???

Even one of my best friends asked me this morning if perhaps I was doing too much. I answered...I don't know...maybe. But either way it doesn't really matter, I'm determined to meet my goal!!! And then I realized...oh my goodness...I've hit the wall. You know, that wall that runners hit when they're running a marathon. Now I realize I'm not a runner. And by no means am I running a marathon (thank God), but I am going for distance in a still overweight body. So it might as well be a marathon...my marathon. I'm hoping that if I press on, I can break through that wall just like a runner would. And when I do I'll run (or in my case walk...or even crawl if I have to) across the finish line!!!

Do you have a big goal you're trying to reach right now?

If so, have you hit any walls?

Blogging Buddies Hit the Trail

2011-04-10T22:51:00.000-04:00

Last week I received a last minute invitation to hike Mouse Creek Falls with one of my favorite blogging friends, Sharon from Gains and Losses: Life Through Sharon's Eyes. Being that we've tried to get together for this hike since last fall, I was thrilled that the weather was finally cooperating and giving us the perfect spring day to meet. Did I forget to mention that this was one of my 2010 Fitness Goals...one that I didn't achieve (due to weather) and so therefore became one of my 2011 Fitness goals? To say that I was a little excited would have been an understatement. I was finally getting the chance to meet someone I've so admired and who's blog I love, and was going hiking in the Smokey's, and was going to meet a personal goal...all in the same day!!! What could be better than that?

Of course we needed pictures to commemorate our day!!!

Sharon's a serious hiker...she came prepared with hiking boots and walking poles.

Me...well I wore my old sneakers (which you can see in my previous post) and somehow managed to trip more than once on this 4 mile hike!!! My parents didn't nickname me Grace for nothing!!! I was hoping that Sharon wouldn't become privy to the fact that I'm a complete clutz, but that was not to be on this day!!!

Note to self...add hiking boots to my list of must have's!!!

The first thing I realized not soon after taking to the trail was Sharon's vast knowledge of flowers and their proper names. All along the way she was able to identify everything that was coming into bloom. Me....well I just noticed that they were pretty and purple...or yellow...or white! I was definately in the company of a true nature girl...and oh what a fun day we had!!!

The trail was truly beautiful, but nothing could compare to Midnight Hole. This picture hardly does justice to the humongous boulders that flanked a rushing fall of water. Directly below was a deep pool that I wanted to jump into so badly I could hardly stand it. If the water had been warm enough, Sharon may have had to wait on me to take a dip!!!

It seemed that around every corner there was something more beautiful to see. The water was high from all the spring rains we've had here in East Tennessee and roared loudly down the mountain. Between the beauty all around us and the wonderful conversation, it was turning out to be a lovely day!!!

Before we knew it we reached the falls where we sat and enjoyed our lunch...a healthy lunch at that!!!

I had the best time and am so happy I got to share this special day with Sharon. You know, it really is an amazing thing that we (in blogland) get to connect with one another in a way that wouldn't have otherwise been possible. I never would have thought all those months ago that sharing my journey with you would lead to so many wonderful things, but it has. I am truly blessed!!!

A Woman In Transition

2011-04-09T01:11:00.002-04:00

These are my shoes...

In many ways they represent me and who I used to be.

From the outside they look pretty bad.

From the inside...even worse!!!

They're old, tired, worn out, have seen

their better days, and have nothing else left to give!!!

That pretty much

sums up how I used to feel just ten months ago!!!

But these...well these are my new shoes!!!

Pretty, aren't they?

These shoes represent the me I am becoming!!!

They're new, strong, nicer to look at, have much

more endurance and have alot of life still in em'!!!

Life would be so much easier, if like these shoes, we could go

from old to new with a simple purchase from the store...

But we can't!!!

Nope...it takes a whole lot more work than that!!!

This is me just the other day walking on a beautiful spring day here in East Tennessee. On the inside I'm feeling happy and strong and very much like my new shoes. From the outside...I'm a woman in transition. Going from the old me to the new me is taking time and requires patience. I know there is still weight to be lost and work to be done, but that's okay!!! Because on the inside, I already feel like this...

and someday soon, there will come a

day when my outside catches up with the rest of me!!!

Oh what a day that will be!!!

Racing the Clock & Keepin' it Real

2011-04-06T22:52:00.006-04:00

This post could easily have been called...The Post That Almost Wasn't! My reason? Pure vanity! I sat down tonight to write, took one look at the pictures I was supposed to use, and after having a serious reality check, just about chickened out! You'd think after losing 45 pounds I'd be okay with how I look, but the truth is...pictures don't lie!!! I'm still big...darn it!!! And that, along with wanting to hide everything about myself from the neck down, almost caused me to back out of this post!!! But then I realized how silly I was being and that if nothing else, my blog needs to be about keepin' it real. So here goes.

As you may already know, I set a pretty ambitious walking goal for myself this month...110 miles. There's nothing like a good challenge to keep the scale movin'. My husband (who you'll see later) gave me the idea to increase the intesity of my workouts by trying to beat the clock. I thought a race against the clock wasn't a half bad idea. So finally...today...I did it.

I was heading out for a 4.5 mile walk on my road...a very steep and hilly road I might add. I set my goal based on my usual pace of about 17 minutes per mile on the treadmill (which includes warm up and cool down time). But this was no ordinary walk on the treadmill. The hills are enough to make you want to scream. So I decided to give myself an extra minute per mile and came up with a time challenge of...

1 hour 20 minutes!!!

I have to be honest, I really wasn't sure I could do this. It wasn't long ago that it took me this long to complete just 3 miles on the same road. I knew I would be pushing my limits, but decided to go for it anyway!!!

I started out strong and even ran a little. But it wasn't long before I began to seriously question my sanity. What in the world was I thinking? Who was I really racing anyway...myself? The pace I had to keep up to finish in time would have been fine on a flat road, but on this road, was crazy!!! I almost gave up. But then I thought...if I don't push myself, I'll never know!!! So I kept going. Here's how it played out...

I finished my first mile and a half in exactly 27 minutes...

which was good, but I was hoping my time would be better considering I still had two more laps to go. I knew if I slowed

down at all, the clock would beat me!!!

I finished my second mile and a half in 27 minutes again...

but by this time I'm covered in sweat and not really sure

if I can keep this up. This is the point where the thought

crossed my mind...I can quit right now and no one will

ever know. But something in me just wouldn't give in.

And here's my third and final lap of the 4.5 mile

race between me and the clock...

Okay, so here I am...me and my butt!!!

What you don't see here is how fast I was going!!!

At the time I felt like an athlete; after seeing myself here...

not so much!!!

Moving on...

Here's another shot...this time from the front...oh my!!!

My time...nine minutes left to go!!!

At this point it dawns on me...oh my gosh, I think I'm gonna do it!!! With everything I had left in me, which wasn't much at this point, I finished my race. And my final time...drum roll please...

1 minute 22 seconds left!!!

That's right...I did my final lap in 25 1/2 minutes!!!

My best time yet!!!

As a reward, I decided to put up a picture of myself that I actually like!!! I'm allowed to do that, right?

This is me and my wonderful hubby on Monday night at the banquet fundraiser dinner for the ministry we're involved in. I just love my husband in this picture. He's a jeans and T-shirt kinda guy, so it was a real treat to see him dressed up.

Well that's it for tonight. I'm taking me and my tired butt (literally) to bed. I wish you all a blessed night!!!

Hitting Goals

2011-04-01T23:38:00.119-04:00

I may not always hit the mark,

but having goals at least helps me hit the board!!!

My sweet friend Joy over at Nuggets of Truth posted some great questions the other day about setting goals. Her timing couldn't have been more perfect considering I just finished my tenth month of this journey...something that never would have happened had I not had goals along the way. I thought today was the perfect day to answer those questions, but that's not all. I'm in the mood to celebrate all that I've accomplished so far. Something we should all do from time to time, don't you think? While I'm at it, I might as well go really big and announce (in writing...before I can chicken out) my new goal for the month of April. Let the celebrating begin!!!

Some balloons and streamers to set the mood!!!

Joy's questions...

When you have something big to accomplish, what do you do to get there? I set goals. I was never much on setting goals before, but it's made all the difference this time around.

How do you mentally prepare? I take a little time to sit and think. Dreaming usually comes into play too. It helps me to get connected to my goals and the hard work it's gonna take to reach them. Dreaming is good!!!

Do you set long or short term goals? Both. I like to have the big goal in mind starting out, but it helps me so much more if I break that goal down into mini-goals. It's always easier to bite off a little at a time.

How do you keep track of your goals? (visuals, commit to others, etc.) I'm a visual person. I like to see my progress. I love graphs and charts. I like to check things off. It all goes a long way in keeping me anchored to my goals. Blogging has also been a good way to chronicle my ups and downs, and has helped to keep me accountable. My philosophy has been to do whatever it takes to enjoy the journey!

Do you give yourself rewards? Do they motivate you? I've given myself a few rewards here and there...a new watch, an awesome purse, etc. They do help to keep me motivated a little I suppose. Personally, I think motivation is fickle and highly over rated, but they are a good reminder of how far I've come.

What do you do when you blow it? I love this question because it's one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn. In the past, blowing it would usually lead to me giving up. I just couldn't get over the guilt and disappointment I'd feel in myself. I now realize that I was being unrealistic and that my need for perfection was destructive. This time however I've accepted the fact that I will blow it, and when I do I can start over again right where I'm at. A good example of this happened earlier this week. I had a busy day and hadn't planned out my food. I ate things I wouldn't normally eat. My first thought was to just chalk the whole day up as a loss. But then I realized that the day wasn't over. I hopped on my treadmill and busted out four hard miles! I woke up the next day a half a pound lighter! The lesson...you can always start again...anytime...any place. That's empowering!!!

How do you break down your goals so they are manageable? I usually set my goals based on the next BMI number I'm working towards, or the next number closest to a new "decade"...like going from 215 to 209. My goals are usually 2-6 pounds at a time. Keeping my goals small makes me feel like they're within reach which keeps me focused. One thing I don't do however is to set deadlines for weight related goals. I learned the hard way that we can't always control when something happens, we can only control our choices.

How do you push through ~ no matter what happens? Well the past two months have proven to be the most challenging so far. I've had alot going on and sometimes felt like I couldn't even catch my breath before something else happened. It was really scary for me. I questioned myself alot during that time. But I just kept telling myself that this too shall pass, and that no matter what I was not giving up!!! I'm finally coming out of this hectic period and am starting to see progress on the scale again. I believe that once you make up your mind to do something, you can and you will.

If the goal is not accomplished, do you know why you do not reach it? It's usually pretty simple for me (although it doesn't always feel that way at the time). My reasons almost always come down to a lack of planning, making excuses, or disconnecting (mentally) from my goals.

Okay, now for some celebrating!!!

Sometimes, especially when things haven't gone so well, I have a tendency to only see my mistakes. But I think the time has come for me to look at how far I've come instead. As you can see I've not had a perfect journey, but it's been a good one all the same. I've lost 42 pounds in ten months, have made huge strides in making healthy changes in so many ways, and really have made this journey a life style!!!

I'm a whole lot closer to my goal

weight now than when I started out!!!

I've come down quite a ways on

the BMI chart. Slow and steady wins the race!!!

Now for my April goal...

I've decided to walk 110 miles...

more than I ever have before in one month!!!

Anybody crazy enough to join me?

I've put a ticker up at the top of my page so you can see my progress. I'm hoping to get as close to the 200 pound mark as I possibly can by the end of April. Now that the scale has finally started to move again, I want to keep it that way!!!

Thanks for being part of my celebration post!!!

Maybe you should have your own celebration

to honor how far you've come in your journey...

what do you think?

If you decide to, please leave me a link below so I can

come by and celebrate with you!!!

First 5 of a Hard 10

2011-03-31T15:34:00.008-04:00

I've joined in with Dawne over at It's My Time...in the Pull a Hard 10 challenge. Amy, Raegun, and Shane have also joined in. You can read more about it here. The premise of the challenge is to work as hard as we can for ten straight days in order to reap the benefits of intense effort. When I first read about the concept of pulling a hard ten, I realized it was just the kick in the pants I never knew I desperately needed!!! I've been goofing around for weeks now making little to no progress. It was time to put those days behind me. Yesterday marked the half way point of the challenge so I thought this was a good point to give an update as to how I'm doing so far.

Days 1-3

My goal going into this challenge was to hit one of my personal goals of getting back down to 214.5...my all time low since starting back to Weight Watchers ten months ago. Since then I've been gaining and losing the same stinkin' five pounds over and over again...not a good thing.

I wish I could say that I took off out of the gate like a shot, but I didn't. The first few days didn't look good at all. My head just wasn't in it. But then something happened. I realized I was still making excuses...one of my old habits that likes to rear its ugly head from time to time. So after a serious talk with myself in the mirror (I'm not kidding), I made my mind up to get down to business.

The first thing I did was to start pre-tracking again...a tool that has helped me so much in this journey...something I hadn't been doing for weeks now.

Since then I've been pre-tracking each night, thinking through the next day and any challenges that might come my way. I figure out what I'm eating, my WW points, and what I'm doing for exercise. Not everything will go exactly as planned...I know, but it's a good foundation for my day.

I stick it in my food tracker and I'm ready to go!!!

This is my finished day...not exactly as planned, but very close.

It was the first really good day I'd had in a while.

Pre-tracking is priceless!!!

Days 4-5

I'm happy to report that I've done really well for the past two days. I've been eating on plan, have quit the mindless eating, and am working out very hard. I'm even starting to feel like myself again. Not only that, but during the past couple of months that I've struggled so much, I could easily have gained 15-20 pounds. I haven't done that!!! And the reason why is because no matter how hard things got or how imperfect I've been lately...

I didn't give up!!!

I did a sneek peak weigh in this morning and am already down two pounds this week!!!

Thanks Dawne!!!

I really needed this challenge.

It's forced me to take a hard look at myself

& make up my mind!!!

Flyin' By the Seat of my Pants Ain't Workin'

2011-03-30T04:00:00.001-04:00

I've had a crazy week once again. I'm revving up for a banquet fundraiser for the ministry that my husband and I are involved in. 144 people are expected and I'm the event coordinator. No pressure, right? Having that many names rolling around in my head has proven to be quite a challenge. I can't seem to call anybody by their given name right now, including my own children. Besides the fact that this week has revealed to me that my memory and organizational skills aren't what they used to be, I've also noticed that there's something else lacking in my life.

Once upon a time, I used to take time out every night to pre-track my food for the next day, think through any challenges, and decide when and what I'd do for exercise. It was a very important key to my success. But somewhere along the way, I misplaced this key and thought I'd be okay to just fly by the seat of my pants. But guess what? I'm not a fly by the seat of my pants kinda girl. Never have been, never will be.

So where has this landed me this week? Unprepared and overly hungry (starving is more like it) to the point that I could eat the darned paint right off the walls. Never a good thing. So it's back to pre-tracking for me. It's just one of those things that has to be if I'm gonna get past this pattern of losing and gaining the same five pounds over and over again.

How about you?

Are you able to fly by the seat of your pants?

Or are you a planner?

In Need of Restoration

2011-03-28T13:01:00.006-04:00

Life definately has a way of taking a toll on us. Over time we become weathered and worn and in desperate need of repair...just like this old house. But instead of cracks in the roof, buckled floors, and shattered windows, we have overweight bodies, weary minds, and broken spirits. We become good at covering it up though, don't we? We would never want the world to see the true state of our condition. So we put on our best smile, pretty outfit, and act the part of someone who is just fine. Maybe I shouldn't speak for everyone, but I can sure speak for myself, and this is exactly what I spent most of my life doing...covering up my brokeness.

This was me seven years ago...acting the part of a happy wife and mother.

Who was I really kidding?

Over the years I would attempt to lose weight thinking that this would surely make everything okay. My weight was my biggest problem afterall, right? Time after time I would start a new diet, only to find myself a few months down the road quitting once again. It was a pattern that would repeat itself for many years to come. I remember this one night, sitting in the bathtub sobbing, wondering why? Why was I such a failure? Why could I not overcome this hurdle in my life? What was wrong with me?

Fast forward seven years to today...

As I sit here now, I am a woman who is 'under construction' or should I say reconstruction. I now see that all my efforts were in vain. I was trying to fix the outside of a very broken woman. If I were this house above, it would have been no different than painting the exterior of the house and calling it restored. Rediculous right? The truth is that the house in this picture needs a complete overhaul. Every wall, floor, beam, nook and cranny is in need of repair. Many of us are no different really. We need fixing from the inside out. But how many of us attempt to 'slap a coat of paint' on ourselves' expecting complete restoration?

It has helped me in this journey to think of myself as a butterfly...willing to go inside myself, submitting to the process of change and the time is will take for true transformation to occur. The changes are not always fast, in fact sometimes they can be down right slow. But none the less, changes are happening and I couldn't be more thrilled. The best part is that now I really am a happy wife and mother...and so much more!!!

I don't know all the details of your life and where you may be at in your journey. Maybe your life is in need of simple 'maintenance' work and a coat of paint is all you need. But if not, it is my hope that you will look deeper inside yourself, pray for God's help, and trust Him to restore you. That's what it's taken for me.

Blessings my friends,

Kimberlynn

When You Feel Like Giving Up

2011-03-25T15:17:00.002-04:00

It's been hard not to notice lately that many of us seem to be struggling. Apparantly I'm not the only one who's noticed. I was reading a post at Deb's blog called Dropping Like Leaves in Autumn where she voiced the same concerns. It's sad to see people who were once so dedicated fall away from their goals. Not only do I miss reading about their day to day journey, but I miss their support and encouragement in my life as well. Their absense has left an unmistakeable void.

All of this, along with the many challenges I've dealth with lately, has had me thinking alot about this journey we are on. It's a long road we travel. Not only are we trying to lose weight, but in the process we are having to overcome the behaviors that led us to this road in the first place. The sad truth is that statistically not many of us who begin this journey will stay the course long enough to arrive at our destination...health...in body, mind and spirit.

In my own life I have started this journey too many times to count. And up until this point I have quit just as many times. The reason...I was wanting this journey to be a straight road without too many bumps along the way. But I had an unrealistic expectation of this long and difficult journey. The truth is that it's a winding road we travel. There are not only bumps along the way, but also mountains we must climb. And even though we could give as many reasons for quitting this journey as there are people who attempt it, there is really only one reason that we quit. These bumps and mountains along the way can seem to big to face. When the road gets tough we turn around. We walk away from the mountains in our lives. Sometimes we simply quit all together. Other times, we search hoping to find another way.

Sadly, it's taken me a long time to realize that there are no detours to be found on the road to health. There is only one way and it requires us to press on and continue moving forward...no matter what! To shy away from this truth, to turn away from the mountains in our path, is to quit. And quitting can only mean one thing...at some point we will have to start again. That's assuming that we get another chance.

Having said all of this, I have learned something in these past weeks that has not only helped me face my mountains, but has helped me get to the other side of them. Rather than quit when the road gets tough, I have learned to surrender instead. Surrender to the power of God. Surrender to His love and grace and mercy. Surrender to the process of change. And surrender to the lessons He is anxiously waiting to teach me. Lessons I desperately need to learn. There will surely be many more mountains that I will have to face along the way, but now I know how to climb them!

So my dear friends, if you happen to be one of these people who is struggling right now and have even thought of quitting, please don't. The Lord loves each of us so much. He is ready and willing to meet us on this road we are traveling. He wants only to take our hand and lead us through to the other side. The only question is...will you let Him?

Blessings my friends,

Kimberlynn

When Boredome Comes Knocking

2011-03-23T20:44:00.001-04:00

When it comes to losing weight and making changes towards living a healthy life, there are many things that can stand in the way. Over the past many weeks I've faced my share of them. Stress, demands on my time, illness, exhaustion, and the list goes on and on. But there's another thing that's been staring me straight in the eye for weeks that I didn't even recognize until this morning. Maybe it was the fact that I was lazily waking to the day and hadn't yet hit the floor running that my mind had a chance to see what should have been obvious all along. I've been bored...more specifically...bored with my food.

I know some who can eat the same things day in and day out and who do just fine with that. I just don't happen to be one of those people. I need variety and lots of it which is exactly why I made it my mission when I started this journey to find recipes I loved. And over the past nine months I have enjoyed them all...thoroughly. Even still, boredom has this pesky little way of knocking at the doorway of our life...sometimes loudly, but sometimes not. It's not really a question of if it will come knocking, but rather when. And when it does, we need to be ready to answer.

My answer to the knocking is simple...I'm on the hunt for new recipes and the timing couldn't be more perfect. It's no different really than the itch I get every winter to ditch sweaters and heavy coats, and embrace cotton shirts, capris and flip flops. I'm ready to retire the stew and chili recipes and replace them with salads and grilled foods more fitting for this time of year.

Here are just a few of the new recipes I'll be trying over the next few weeks (thanks to Gina). Click on any one of them for a direct link to the recipe.

The Skinny Tuna Melt

Low Fat Baked Ziti with Spinach

Chicken Divan, Lightened Up

Greek Turkey Meatballs

Skinny Turkey Cuban Sandwich

Turkey Stuffed Peppers

Cilantro Lime Shrimp

And for something on the sweet side...

Strawberry Swirl Cheesecake

How about you?

Are you bored and ready for a change?

If so, what are you doing about it?

Blessings my friends,

Kimberlynn

Praying Through

2011-03-20T15:07:00.003-04:00

I don't have much time right now to say everything I'd like to, but it's been too long since I've blogged and I at least wanted to let you know how I've been. I know that several of you have been concerned about me and probably wondering if I'm still committed to living a healthy life, but rest assured...I am and am doing very well. The past six weeks have been crazy, but I can honestly say that I'm back on track and feeling more like myself again. It's taken a while for me to work through all the challenges that have filled my plate, but if there's anything I've learned during this time, it's to never give up, and that for every problem we face...there is a solution...if we're willing to seek it out. There's another important lesson I've learned too. When I'm not seeing progress on the scale it's probably because there's another area of my life that needs changing and that God is wanting access to.

Last week I finally reached a point where I felt like I was about to fall apart. I had been sick with a second stomach bug in less than two weeks, and was beginning to wonder if life was ever going to get back to normal. And to make things worse, for the first time in over nine months old thoughts started to creep back in...I'm never going to lose this weight, I can't do this anymore, maybe I haven't really changed, life is just too hard. And that's when I began to pray. Now let me just say that this should have been my first option...not my last. But I realized that I wasn't leaning enough on God and His strength. I was allowing everything around me to weigh me down...literally. But God is so good!!! After some one on one time with Him, I began to feel all the pressure lift. I've continued to press in each day making prayer a priority and it's made all the difference. I feel peace again even in the midst of all the craziness going on around me. It's one of the hardest lessons to learn, but it's during these times, when it can feel like there's not a minute to spare that we need to stop and pray! We're not meant to do this thing alone!!!

I have so much more to share and catch up on, but as we speak my family is packing to head out of town for a couple of days. My oldest daughter has to go for two days of yearly achievement tests...fun fun! It's all just another day (or two) in the life of a homeschool family, and just one more thing on top of a huge list of other stuff we're busy doing right now. I've packed healthy food to take with us and am looking forward to walking on the river in Knoxville, using the workout room and the hotel, and getting in some swim time!!!

I don't want to go before saying how much I treasure each of you. Your support and encouragement has been such a blessing to me!!!

A Way of Escape

2011-03-03T13:49:00.003-05:00

This week has been difficult as I've tried in vain to restore some...any sense of normalcy to my life. However, it's become quite apparant that this is not to be...at least not this week. So I've had no choice but to surrender and move on. But make no mistake, I love and crave and need normal in my life. These past several weeks have helped me to appreciate even more those seasons that are calm and routine. Life around here has been many things over these past several weeks, but calm and routine are not among them. I can't help but wonder if I'm supposed to be learning something from all of this. What all that might be, I'm not quite sure yet. One thing that's becoming more and more clear is that I'm bad to let the craziness of life get under my skin and pull me down. What I really need to do is to get out from underneath my circumstances and take the high road in life...the God road.

I've not really shared the details of just how hard things have been, mostly because I don't want to wallow around in negativity. But I will share with you that I found myself turning to food for comfort and using stress as an excuse to indulge in foods I wouldn't normally eat (at least not on a regular basis). After about a week of that, I finally came to my senses and realized that I was playing the victim. Ouch! That's a truth not easy to admit about yourself. But it's true. Once I saw what I was doing and why...for what it really was, I was reminded of something that has helped me ever since...

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way of escape so that you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

The truth is that I have no excuses...not really. Excuses are easy to find and always will be. And sometimes they are legitimate, but often times they are not. Excuses are like a cage that holds us back, keeping us locked into old mindsets and behaviors, and they certainly don't allow room for growth or responsibility. It's only when we let go of the excuses that we are really able to be free of the burden of excess weight.

So let me make this official...right here and now...if for no one other than myself. If I've accomplished nothing else this week, I have accomplished this...

I've realized that my way of escape was to cast off the old excuses. My turning to food had nothing to do with my circumstances, and everything to do with me doing what it was I really wanted to do during those circumstances...eat. I've gotten back to healthy eating and exercise. And I've stopped allowing the stresses of the day to become an excuse to justify bad decisions. My week has not been perfect, but it has been better...as it always is when we live outside the cage of excuses.

Blessings my friends!!!

Just Breathe

2011-03-02T23:55:00.002-05:00

Sometimes...

despite all efforts

intentions

and

well layed plans

you find that...

there are days

weeks

or sometimes even seasons...

things just don't go your way

because

anything that can go wrong

does

and everything else is just plain

difficult

and when you finally see things

for what they are

all you can do

is...

surrender

pray

and trust

that this too shall pass

but
until it does...

you just breathe!!!

Where am I in all of this?

...just breathing

A Matter of Perspective

2011-02-28T08:52:00.002-05:00

Two days ago I was feeling overwhelmed and was questioning everything...wondering if I had really changed and if I had the strength to continue on this journey. The challenges of the past couple of weeks had begun to take their toll. But something happened that gave me a whole new outlook...something more than what I shared yesterday.

It happened as I was pouring my heart out to my Weight Watchers leader. After telling her about my sick family, broken down vehicle, crashed computer and how exhausted I was, she smiled and patiently told me she understood. She explained that it was during the illness of one of her children that she had gained all her weight. And then she reassured me that there was an end in sight to all these things going on around me, and that I had come to far to give up now.

As I was sitting in my meeting, I began to wonder about her sick child. She had never mentioned how thing's turned out. So after my meeting, I asked her...Cindy, how is your child now...doing better? I found out then that her son, her only son, was not okay and that he had died of cancer. Standing there looking at her with tears in her eyes, I suddenly saw things in a whole new way.

My problems...everything I have been dealing with...it's all temporary. Difficult yes, but certainly not the kind of stuff that other people face everyday. The kinds of things that really are too much! I had completely blown everything out of proportion and had allowed the challenges of a few bad weeks to seem larger than what they really were.

It's like I said yesterday, it's all a matter of perspective. One five minute conversation was all I needed to help me see things in a whole new light. Nothing else had changed. My family is still sick, that broken down vehicle still sits in the driveway, and our computer had to be replaced. But as for me, I have moved forward, with temporary problems still in tow, knowing that God never puts more on us than we can bear and that His mercies are new everyday.

The Power of Focus

2011-02-27T14:06:00.004-05:00

I just have to start by saying...whew, what a week!!! Taking care of my sick family, all of whom have needed my full attention and care, did not leave much time for me to take care of myself. By yesterday morning, I was a wreck. At the last minute I decided to go to my Weight Watchers meeting. From the minute I walked in the door, I was on the verge of tears. I'm sure my leader (and everyone else) were wondering what in the world?!? This is not normal for me...at all. I'm not the crying type and usually show up for my meetings happy and feeling very positive. On this day...not so much. After talking to my leader, getting a few hugs from friends, and soaking in everything the meeting had to offer, I headed home for a long walk in the fresh air and sunshine...which somehow has a way of mellowing me out, bringing a new perspective, and restoring me to sanity...which if I'm to be completely honest...I was in desperate need of!!!

About half way through my walk, I could feel the stress start to fall away and that perspective I just mentioned work its way into to the deep corners of my mind...the place I struggle most. You probably already know that it wasn't until I started changing the way I think that I finally began to see changes in my life. But yesterday's walk brought a whole new level of understanding to this simple yet profound truth. Up until now my purpose has been to be positive, which is definately a good and powerful thing. But there's more. Much more.

As I was walking...and thinking...and soul searching...I was trying to understand why all of sudden I've been struggling so much when for the past nine months I've done so well. What's changed? Well on the surface, it's obvious that circumstances have played a role, with my routine being completely thrown out the window. But I knew there was more to it than that. And even though my positive attitude has definately waned in the midst of things, I knew there was still more to than even that. And that's when it came to me. It's about focus...more specifically a lack of focus, coupled with focusing on the wrong things.

If you think about it, our minds are a lot like a magnifying glass having the same ability and power to fucus. A magnifying glass, depending on how you use it, can make things appear larger or smaller, can bring clarity, and if truly focused can direct the sun's energy to ignite a fire! Are our minds really any different? Do we not also have the ability to make our problems seem bigger than they really are when we focus on them? And can we not also make them seem smaller when we change our perspective? And when we're truly focused, our path seems clear and bright and easy to navigate. But losing our focus brings confusion and a loss of clarity in the choices we make. It can seem like we're drifting through a blurried fog. And finally, if we focus in on the Son, our Lord and Savior, does He not have the power to ignite in us a fire that is life changing?

Just think about all of this for a minute...and then read on...

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Matthew 14:29-30

This is exactly the kind of power I'm talking about!!! Peter had the ability to walk on water...so long as his focus was on Jesus!!! But just as soon as he lost his focus to the things going on around him, he began to sink. And this is exactly what has happened to me. I've had my focus on other things...my problems, my mistakes, and my limitations. So is it any wonder that I feel as though I'm sinking? But there is always hope and room for change.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.

Psalm 26: 2-3

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.

1 Peter 1:13

I don't think the Lord would give us these and so many other verses in His Word about our minds and thoughts if it were't so important for us to know and understand! I feel as though I'm only beginning to really grasp these things. I could easily respond to my struggles by working on the obvious...my actions, what and how much I eat, when and how hard I exercise. But these things alone, no matter how hard I try, won't produce real and lasting change without first addressing my thoughts and what and where they are focused. So, I've decided to change my focus and get back to the basics...in both the spiritual and practical things of my life.

The spiritual side of things...

For starters, I need to be spending more time in prayer and the Word. This is usually the first thing to go when things get crazy, but it needs to be the last. I need to be renewing my mind daily which only comes through God and His Word.
When I first began this journey and God revealed to me the power of my thoughts, I took that knowledge and typed out a list of positive affirmations. I read and spoke them out everyday. It made a huge difference in my life. Another basic I'm going back to!

The practical side of things...

I was never much of a goal setter until this past year. But when the New Year rolled around, I didn't make the time to set new goals. The result...I feel like a car without an engine. I'm just sitting here..going no where. Goals are so important, not only to have focus, but for direction. I'm on top of this!!! You can read about my new Goals for 2011 here.
As for Weight Watchers, I know what works and what doesn't. As a matter of fact there was a quote at my meeting yesterday written for all to see...

If you kinda work the program, it kinda works,

But if you really work the program, it really works!!!

So, I'm really gonna work it!!!

And finally, going on that wonderful walk yesterday was such a perfect reminder of why I need exercise. It's no longer just about the physical benefits, it's about the emotional and spiritual one's as well. I need to have time for me, alone with my thoughts, and alone with God.

On that note, I'm moving on with my day. I hope you all are having a beautiful Sunday and are blessed beyond measure!!!

What Do You Get...

2011-02-25T20:53:00.001-05:00

What do you get...

When you have...

1 sick husband

+ 2 sick children

____________________________________________

= One very tired mom!!!

Do the challenges ever stop?

I don't know the answers...but one thing's for sure...

I need a vacation!!!

Falling off the Wagon

2011-02-18T21:22:00.001-05:00

After nearly nine months of striving to live, eat and be healthy, there's one thing I've learned well. I'm not perfect! Take yesterday for instance. It was one of those days where things just weren't going well. My daughter woke up sick and running a high fever, I had more to do than there was time to do it, and to top it all off, I was struggling with my hiatal hernia, thanks to an abs workout that was apparently too strenuous. I found myself in a place I haven't been in a long time. Feeling overwhelmed and wanting to eat! And even though I didn't give in to an all out food fest, I definately ate more than I normally would have. I felt terrible.

Now if this had taken place even a year ago, you can bet my response would have been completely different from what it was yesterday. My all or nothing, perfectionist self would have allowed this little slip to turn into a pity party for one, that would have then led to six miserable months of eating and regaining everything I had lost (and then some). Eventually, I would have woken up to find myself right back where I began, having to start all over again! Ugh!

After doing this for nearly twenty years, I finally realized something...something big! The biggest mistake we make isn't in overeating or even making a bad food choice. These things happen to all of us from time to time and are just part of the journey. The biggest mistake happens afterward...when we have that terrible feeling. You know what I'm talking about, right? That moment when we want to beat ourself up or just crawl into a hole. The moment where we would give anything to hit the rewind button just to have the chance to make a better choice. Yah, that moment. It's that exact moment that is so critical. And why? Because in that fleeting moment we make a choice to start again right here and now, or to delay it...and in so doing, we choose our path! This is what seperates those who find themselves having to start over again and again, from those who walk in victory!

So, even though I made some bad choices yesterday...choices that will more than likely show up on the scale in a not so good way tomorrow morning, I chose to start again. Rather than allowing negativity to creep in, I opted for a healthier outlook and went for a long walk, ate better for the rest of the day, and am glad to report that today has been a better day. Can I just tell you how glad I am that it no longer takes me six months to realize that starting over is a choice we can make every single day!

Before I go, I want to share a couple of things that have been such a big help to me...the recovering perfectionist! When I first started making changes, I knew how important it was for me to get over the all or nothing mentality. This is what I came up with...my new way of thinking...

All or something!!!

...which means...I don't have to do it all and I certainly don't have to do it perfectly. All I really have to do is my best. Sometimes that may mean I have a fantastic day where most of my choices have been spot on. But other days, it may mean I have to pick myself back up and do something....anything....just not nothing!!! Practically speaking, it might mean I've eaten badly, but gotten in some exercise. Or maybe I've eaten great, but just flat ran out of time for a good workout. The point is to being something everyday...even if it's not perfect!!!

And finally, the last thing I want to share is a saying my Weight Watchers leader likes to share from time to time. I love it and repeat it often myself...

It's okay to fall off the wagon,

Just don't let it run over you!!!

Blessings my friends,